Half an hour later and they are all decked out in their pyjamas. I have only the story to go. I start off in earnest but I am only two sentences in when Joey says that I’m deliberately using a boring voice. I respond by saying that I find it torturous to use any other kind of intonation when reading about wizards. I don’t wish to be a spoilsport but I do believe that there is significant truth to be gleaned from such a statement. Joey asks me what torturous means. I say, this. I tell them that if there are any more interruptions I’m going to stop reading. Mikey interrupts to tell me that he hasn’t interrupted. I close my eyes and I try to mentally commit to what I’m trying to do. I’m attempting to make my children happy, to settle them down so that they will have dreams, warm dreams, dreams that they can hold on to. Memories that they can keep for years to come.

I am a good father.

That’s it then, so goodnight, I say.

We haven’t finished the chapter. I tell them that they will appreciate it all the more if they are left hanging. Maeve argues that this is the whole point of chapters whereby the author has decided the perfect place to pause. She says it’s up to the author to decide at what point the reader should be left to hang. I know she’s absolutely correct but I don’t have the presence of mind nor the patience to have an argument. I tell them enough is enough and that it’s one thing that I have to put up with their mother going out for a drink with her ex-boyfriend without having to argue the toss about chapter length with children. I make it very clear that he’s an ex-boyfriend and I’m careful to explain that it’s a good thing that he’s an ex because if he wasn’t then they wouldn’t have me as their father. They want to know if they would even exist if Mommy’s ex-boyfriend was her husband and not her ex-boyfriend.

I tell them that they will always exist.

I say that they will exist until they die.

I tell them that I love them and that I’ll see them in the morning as I’m walking down the stairs.