“Yes. Really. Bloody hell, Trish. This whole having a baby thing is terrifying, not to mention it pretty much destroys your identity. And your body.”

“That’s not exactly making me feel better.”

Which isn’t true – I already feel lighter, less alone than I did a few moments ago.

Emma laughs. “Trish, I hate to break it to you, but this is some big shit you’re going through. Cut yourself some slack, girl. Get grumpy if you want to, throw stuff if it makes you feel better, wish guys would keep their sperm to themselves, dream about how life would be if you hadn’t got pregnant, but don’t think that it makes you a bad person. And don’t ever think it’ll make you a bad mother.”

As Emma talks, I walk down the hallway and into the nursery. I lower myself into the fancy nursing chair and rock gently.

“I don’t always feel this way,” I whisper. “There are times when I love it… love the baby. Lots of times. But, Em, there are times when…” I can’t say it.

“Trish, it’s OK,” says Emma.

“Is it?”

“Absolutely.”

We’re both quiet for a moment. I enjoy knowing my friend is there at the other end of the phone, sitting with me in silence.

“OK, well, I feel a little better now,” I say finally.

I hear Emma take a breath as if she’s about to speak, then stop.

“What?” I ask.

“Trish, you know I love you. We all do. But sometimes I think… well, I worry really that maybe you’re a bit lonely. You know, with no family – except Will now, which is great – but it must be hard for you. You deserve someone special.”

“A guy, you mean?”

“Yeah, I suppose. I’m sure I should be saying you can do this and you don’t need a man, but I’ve kind of been there and it’s tough, and… and lonely.”

“Yeah,” I whisper. “It is.”

“If things were different, if you weren’t pregnant and you’d met Scott on the plane and hit it off”

“Em, why are you bringing him up?”

“You know why,” Emma says softly.

I sigh and stare at the bassinet – all made up, ready for a newborn baby.

“I guess we’ll never know,” I murmur.

“He might still be interested, even with”

“Emma, no guy is going to want to hang around with some woman who’s pregnant with another man’s child.”

“Maybe, but look at Finn. He loves Freddie and he’s not the biological dad.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

“Because Freddie and you were a package deal from the start.”

“So are you and that little baby growing inside.”

“It’s still different. Anyway, I barely know Scott.”

“If you say so.”

“I do.”

My phone pings and I look at the calendar notification on my screen. “Shit.”

“What?” Emma asks.