“She’s great. Actually, that’s why I’m ringing. We were wondering if you wanted to go to the zoo with us this Saturday. It’s become a bit of tradition over the past couple of years to go to the zoo on Christmas Eve. Tilly has been at me all day to ring and ask if you’d join us.”

I’d forgotten all about Christmas. Or tried to, at least. When you don’t have family to spend time with during the festive season, it ceases to be a magical time of year.

Will is talking again.

“Tilly hasn’t stopped going on about you since our visit. She thinks you’re gorgeous, by the way… And that you have the nicest house in the world… and the coolest friends. I feel pretty inferior by comparison.”

I almost feel like smiling. Almost.

“I haven’t been to the zoo in forever.”

“It’s much the same. Though there is a new baby elephant, and an awesome chimpanzee enclosure.”

I hesitate. A part of me wants to go and hang out with my brother and niece, but another part would rather stay home and avoid all human contact.

“No pressure, Trish. I understand if you’d rather not.” Will’s voice is flat and distant.

“I’d love to come,” I say firmly in an effort to convince myself.

“That’s great!”

I hear Tilly squeal excitedly in the background. The growing baby inside me must hear her, too, and does a giant somersault. I place a hand on my swollen stomach and close my eyes. I’m so overcome with guilt I feel light-headed. I don’t deserve to be a mother after the thoughts I had earlier today. If I’m honest, not thoughts plural – there was only one thought reoccurring in my head as I handed over my work to Mark.

“Trish?” Will interrupts my guilt. “Are you OK?”

I’m already regretting my decision. I should have said no to the zoo trip.

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

“No.” My voice cracks and I know if I have to say another word, I’ll cry.

“Did something happen today?”

Clearing my throat, I do my best to make my voice sound normal.

“Nothing happened. I’m just tired.”

“Can I do anything to help? Tilly and I could come over and keep you company. Only if you want some – you’ve just said you’re tired. You might prefer”

“Will, I’d better go. I… I’m running a bath.”

“OK. We were thinking of going to the zoo first thing on Saturday. Beat the crowds. Does 9 a.m. sound all right?”

I want to tell him I’ve changed my mind, but I keep picturing Tilly limping slowly around the zoo.

“Perfect,” I mutter. “I’ll see you there.”