“I was going to,” Evan answers and then slips his shirt off over his head. He keeps his eyes on me, daring me to say something, but my eyes focus on his broad chest.

In six years his body has changed, as has mine. But he’s still lean and muscular. My body heats and my thighs clench, but I play it off, turning my back to him to lie on my left shoulder.

“Is this all right?” he asks me, his voice carrying through the dark night and cutting me down to my deepest insecurity. It’s not all right and nothing about this situation is, but those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.

My eyes squeeze shut tight and I give in to what I want, slowly moving my body toward his. Wouldn’t it be a lie to deny it?

“I’m afraid I’ll like it too much if you stay,” I finally answer with my eyes closed as the bed dips. I stay perfectly still as I lay out the bare truth. “I’m afraid I’ll forgive you and I’ll forget why we shouldn’t be together.” All the words pour out from deep down in my soul, leaving my lips in a rush.

A rough sound comes from deep in his throat as the comforter pulls just slightly. “You don’t know what you want, Kat,” Evan tells me although the confidence is missing. “You want me to leave because you’re afraid. You won’t fight for me to stay because you know I will regardless of what you say, isn’t that right?”

My brow furrows as I take in his assessment. He scoots closer to me, making the bed shift beneath my still body. When I turn to meet him, still under the covers, his dark gaze stares at me as if I’m his prey and that’s just how I feel. “No. I want you to leave because we’re leading different lives.” I have to second-guess my words.

“Then let’s get back on track. Let’s start over,” he whispers and then leans closer to me. As if testing my boundaries, he rests his hand on the pillow above my head. I don’t push him away, but I don’t move toward him either.

I’m fucked no matter what I do.