He leaves without attempting to kiss me or approaching me in the least. His strides don’t break in cadence until the heavy walnut front door opens and closes, leaving me with nothing but the tortured sob that’s desperate to come up and the faint sounds of the city life filling the empty space once again.

My hands tremble as I close my eyes and try to calm down.

If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have let it come to this.

If he loved me, he’d tell me the truth.

Secrets break up marriages.

I keep telling myself that he’s to blame, but as a cry rips up my throat and I bring my knees into my chest, my heels resting on the seat of the chair, I replay the last few years and I know I’m at fault too. Deep down, I know. I bury my face in my knees and rock slightly, feeling pathetic as I break down yet again.

If I were him, I’d have cheated on me too.

He says he didn’t. He swears it’s a lie.

But he doesn’t explain it. He can’t even look me in the eye.

I did this to myself. I should’ve known better.

Evan

When did I turn into the piece of shit I am right now?

Pathetic. That’s how I feel as the plane rumbles beneath my feet and I shake my head slightly, waving off the flight attendant and whatever small bag of snacks she was offering.

I crack my neck to the left and right as a ding indicates the seat belt sign is off and everyone can move about the cabin. I have no intention of getting up or doing a damn thing other than sit here and try to figure out exactly where it all went wrong.

The Wi-Fi is available and I take my time setting it up, prolonging the moment when I’ll have to face the fact that she most likely hasn’t messaged me. She can yell at me, hit me, take it all out on me, but her silence is what kills me. Her shutting me out is like a knife to the heart.

There’s no way to make it right, but I’m not letting her go.

Kat’s mine. My wife. My love. She’s everything to me, even if she hates me to the point where I’m nothing to her.

We used to be … Something special. Something other assholes dream about and pray for. And now? I couldn’t even kiss her before leaving. The very thought of doing it felt too much like goodbye. Like the kind of goodbye that would kill me.