I try to remember everything. I pray that I will, because even though he said he can make it right, I know he can’t. I know that time will aid in the growing distance between us. I know we’re leading two different lives.

I know I need more, and that I deserve someone who won’t hide things from me and make me feel like I’ve lost myself.

So I need to remember this, because I want it to be the last time.

Not for him, not for us, but for me.

Evan

Don’t throw me away, don’t tell me you’re through.

Don’t stop loving me, I can’t live without you.

That ring on your finger, that makes you my wife.

You’re my everything, my love and my life.

I didn’t mean it when I said one last time. It’s the same way an addict is desperate for more and will say anything to get it. All I have to do is be next to her when she needs a single thing. Anything. Just one small crack in her armor. At least that’s what I keep hoping for.

It’s what’s keeping me from dissolving into the nothingness I feel in my hollow chest.

I wonder if she’ll get over me before that time comes. If the few years we had together was enough to make her love me even when she doesn’t want to. That’s all I keep thinking about as I stare at her sleeping form. There’s only a thin sheet over her gorgeous body, hiding it from me. Her back is toward me as she lies on her side, her hair fanned out along the pillow. I’ve been awake for hours; I’m not even sure I slept at all.

It feels like it’s over, but that can’t be true. I can’t let her go this easily and walk away. But somehow it doesn’t feel like letting her go. It feels like I don’t have her anymore. Like I don’t even have the option to keep her anymore.

A sudden buzz from my phone vibrating on the nightstand strips my thoughts from me and causes Kat to stir next to me.

I keep my eyes on her as I reach for it. She slowly turns to look over her shoulder and then looks away, pulling the sheet tighter around her. Closing herself off from me.

There’s a heaviness on my chest as I let it sink in that she doesn’t belong to me anymore. The bed dips as Kat pulls the sheet with her and walks quietly to the bathroom.

I would think my life couldn’t get any lower than this, but the text from James mocks that thought.