“What’d you do?” I ask my father out of genuine curiosity. I’d never seen anything but love from my parents. They never fought in front of me and the one time I came home early, catching them in the heat of a fight, they stopped immediately.

Later that night, when I was sitting in front of the TV, cross-legged and way too close, all I could hear was him apologizing in the kitchen. It’d been quiet all afternoon and night.

“I don’t want you to go to bed mad at me,” I heard him tell her.

It was the only fight I’d ever witnessed and I remember being scared that he’d done something that Ma wasn’t going to forgive.

But she did. I never asked back then, and I’m sure if I did he wouldn’t remember. This fight he’s talking about obviously isn’t that.

“What do you think I did?” he answers me. “We were young and stupid and had a bad fight over money or something. I got drunk, kissed a girl at a bar … went back to her place. I felt like shit about it and she smacked me right across the face too.” He smirks at the memory. “She beat the hell out of me. Kicked me out.” The smile falls and he shakes his head as he adds, “I deserved it.”

“I can’t imagine you ever doing that.”

“I loved your mother. I was angry at her over something stupid, I can’t even remember what.”

The silence stretches between us again as he struggles to come up with what to say next. “I proposed to her a few months after we got back together.” A huff of a laugh leaves him and he adds, “God rest her soul,” as he twists the wedding band around his ring finger. He’s never taken it off. For the same reason he’ll never leave this house.

He still needs her. Even if it’s just the memory of her.

“The point is, we all make mistakes,” he says and then squares his shoulders at me, raising both of his hands and shaking them, “when we’re young and allowed to be stupid.”

“I’m not that old,” I tell him half-heartedly, trying to play it all off. I know what he’s getting at, but I don’t need to be lectured. I’m well aware of how stupid I’ve been. He’s the one who has no idea how badly I’ve fucked up. “I’ll fix it, Pops.”

The silence drags on again and all I can think about is every position I’ve put myself in where not being faithful to my wife would have been the easy thing to do. I focus on that truth and not the night that still haunts me.