I down the remaining wine after sending the last line, the cool red soothing a tiny bit of an ache. I don’t know exactly what it is I deserve but I have a rough idea. Him telling me the truth. Him confiding in me. Or a better husband altogether.

As I grab the last bottle of red wine on the rack and bring it back to the kitchen, I realize this is how women feel when they stay in these marriages.

They’d rather be told a sweet little lie and believe it than face the truth. Those are my choices: demand the truth and accept the lie he gives me or … I don’t know.

Right now, it’s exactly what I want. Just lie to me. Tell me there’s nothing that happened. That it’s blown out of proportion. That it was just a kiss. Yes, that one. That last one. I could forgive it, but better yet, I could believe it. I could allow myself to believe it, even if deep down inside I know it was more.

Lie to me and love me. He knows I’ll still love him. It would make everything better.

The barstool legs scratch on the floor as I sit down to uncork the new bottle.

I just want him to come home. Tell me everything is fine and make up something that’s easy to forgive. It was only a kiss.

With a bottle of wine and a full glass in front of me, I go back to the beginning. Back to when I was stronger and I actually had self-respect.

Back when I knew better.

The memory and the wine are the only things to keep me company for the rest of the night, because Evan doesn’t text me back with the truth or a lie. He gives me silence.

Six years ago

The wind blows in my face, alleviating some of the stifling summer heat as I pull into the gas station parking lot in Brooklyn. It’s late and the hustle and bustle of New York has waned, but the nightlife on this side of the city is only getting started.

Some would say it’s the bad part of town, but others say it’s the fun part. I guess it depends on what circles you run in. New to New York and struggling to find where I belong, I suppose I’m keeping an open mind. The bright lights and sophistication are what I came here for, but making it here isn’t so easily achieved.