“It’s okay,” I say, answering her with a straight face and Sue erupts with a laugh that catches the attention of an elderly couple behind us. Her good humor is infectious and I find myself smiling. This is what I need. To talk and think about something else. Anything else.

“I’ll get you something else,” Maddie says as Sue starts to speak. “Just regular? Cream and sugar?”

“Thanks, but don’t worry about it, Maddie. It’s good.” I wave off her concern and take another sip. “I just needed some caffeine.”

“Well, you look professional,” Sue says with a nod. “The rain didn’t ruin your hair.”

I shake out my hair playfully in response to Sue’s attempt at a distraction but Maddie doesn’t pick up on the hint, and when I yawn, she goes right back to the conversation I hoped we were done with.

“Trouble sleeping?” Maddie asks and I nod my head once then turn back to the cup, hating that we’re back on this again.

“I just wish I had …” I can’t finish the sentence and I struggle to come up with something to say as I push the hair from my face while trying to remember what I want. I haven’t got a clue. “I wish I had my life together,” I practically whisper, but they hear and I know they do.

“You do have your life together. You’re an established publisher. An entrepreneur and a hard worker.”

I have work. Yes. Maddie happily agrees with Sue, reminding me of how many people in this very city would kill for my job.

But I don’t have a damn thing else. Not enough to hold on to a life I somehow strayed from.

The thought makes me miserable and I focus on the coffee again, knocking it back as if it’ll save me. When I set it down, I notice how empty it is as I tap the bottom of it against the table and hear a hollow sound. I’m going to need a refill. I’ll get it myself, though. I push away from the table slightly. “I’m going to grab another. At this rate it’ll be empty before Jacob gets here.”

“Oh, Jacob.” Sue says his name with a hint of something I can’t describe in her voice. A devilish smile grows on her face and it makes me roll my eyes. Of all the girls, Sue’s the one who gets over one man by getting under another. And she’s given the advice freely to our tight group of friends. I can practically feel her elbow in my ribs.

“Yes, Jacob,” I echo, mocking the way she said it, feeling irritable and juvenile, but it only makes Sue smile.

“Well I hope he’s a good distraction for you,” Sue says then winks and slides her bag off her lap, onto her shoulder.