“I need someone who’s ready for the next stage of life.” I barely get the words out as my throat dries and closes, threatening to suffocate me. But I finish the thought, making my heart split into two as I look deep into Evan’s eyes and tell him, “Or no one at all.”

“Kat,” Evan says, whispering my name as if it’s a threat. One against him. Or maybe it’s a plea. “I’m sorry, okay?”

My head shakes and the words won’t come out.

“I’m sorry I hit him, it looked bad at first. It looked like something else to me, but even then I shouldn’t have hit him.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.”

“It was shitty of me. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he says and I believe him. But it’s not enough. He’s still the same Evan.

I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand as I shake my head. “I can’t do this anymore.” It’s the truth and even though it’s the worst pain that I’ve felt in my entire life, I know it needs to be done. “I will be better on my own.”

“Don’t say that,” Evan pleads, but he stands there not moving, his hands by his side and his body stiff with disbelief. Or maybe fear. “I can’t lose you,” he says. I feel like my heart is breaking, but I shake my head.

“Maybe I should just be alone.” My eyes burn with more tears as I shake my head again and say, “No, I need to. I need to be alone. I’m sorry,” my voice fails me as I whisper the apology. I hate hurting him; I can’t stand the pain in his eyes and expression. He doesn’t try to hide it in the least, and it shreds me.

But we’re just not meant for each other, not with the lives we’re leading.

“I love you.”

“Love isn’t enough!” I yell and hate myself. I truly do. “It’s not enough anymore,” I say, steadying my voice although it’s still low. I cross my arms and try to keep myself together, I try to hold my body upright although it begs me to collapse.

“Is that what you want?”

“I want a divorce,” I say the lie in a single breath. The words all come out at once, bunched together and needing to be said, to be heard. To be felt to the very core of who Evan is.

My fingertips dig into my forearms as I slowly raise my eyes to his and the conviction wavers.