My phone immediately vibrates as I slip it into my pocket, and I cuss as I take it back out. Not to read her response, only to shut it off, silencing it and ignoring all the problems that wait for me. I’m done with both of them. I’m done with it all.

I swallow thickly and step out into the cool night, the city traffic surrounding me as I shut the car door and leave it all behind.

Everything is crumbling around me, but the only thing I care about is losing Kat. I don’t see how I can hold on to her when I don’t have a plan and I’ve lost control.

She needs a better man, and I swear I can be one. We’ll start over and do it right this time.

I run my hand down my face. Hitting the lock, the car beeps and the bright headlights flash in the dark of the night. The sounds of the city streets are loud as I walk up the sidewalk, past men and women who carry on with their busy lives and don’t have a clue how mine is being ripped apart.

I’ll confess and then pack a box, and let her know it’s only a separation and that even after I’ll still love her and want her. That I’ll do anything. I’ll keep coming back, fighting for her. I’m not saying goodbye, I’m only doing what she asks because I love her and I know she needs time.

The keys jingle in my hand as I make my way home. Every second I’m trying to think of the best way to come clean about everything to Kat. She deserves to know, even if she hates me once she finds out. I have to tell her first.

A heavy breath leaves me as I turn the lock and walk into the building, running a hand over my hair and trying to block the image of her disappointment from my mind.

I can imagine how her deep green eyes will widen, how her lips will part and how she’ll think I’m lying at first. I already know how she’ll look at me, how she’ll question who I am and why or if, she loves me.

My footsteps are heavy as I grip the iron railing and head to the top of the stairwell, to our home we’ve built together, the one she’s kicked me out of. My gut feels heavy, churning with a sickness that rises to my chest as I hear her voice and recall the memory of her telling me to get out. My fingers wrap tighter around the rail, keeping me upright as I force myself to continue. I need to confess and come clean.

I want Kat back and the life we once had. It’s all I need to live.