‘Once I knew about the vodka, it did explain things a bit, because the real Russian stuff his friends sometimes bring him back is so strong it removes the veneer of civilization like paint stripper and he turns into something a bit too primeval for my taste – and that’s another promise he broke, because he swore he would never touch it again after last time. You remember? He—’

‘Yes, I remember,’ Linny broke in hastily. Then she suggested I just lay back and enjoy being wooed again, because she had found from her disagreements with Tertius that this was always the fun part of a relationship, especially the little trinkets he bought her to make up.

And there may be something in that, because soon after I received a very expensive diamond-studded heart pendant with the message: ‘Forgive me, Tsarina – truly you have all my heart.’ And, it seemed, most of his bank balance.

The gesture had quite a softening effect on me, though I had no intention of weakening yet.

NOVELTINA LITERARY AND CRITICAL AGENCY

Mudlark Cottage, The Harbour, Shrimphaven

Dear Mrs Vauxhall,

Thank you for your manuscript, Frodo’s Incredible Adventure, which I have read with great interest, and also the cheque for ten pounds which, as you so rightly point out, is probably more than my asking rate if you worked it out word for word.

Although I do take your point that novelists seem to be getting younger and younger, and agree that your granddaughter, Kylie, shows huge promise as a writer, yet I do feel that at seven it is a little early to think of her work being published in book form. There is also the minor difficulty of length, for I’m afraid publishers do expect slightly more than five hundred words in a novel. Also, which you may not have noticed unless you are conversant with The Lord of the Rings, there is just a tiny element of plagiarism here, which is only natural, since beginning novelists are very often derivative.

Yes, Kylie is very precocious, isn’t she? Even so, just how much experience of life can you have had at seven, living in a quiet country hamlet? As you so rightly point out, so did Jane Austen, though I believe she was slightly older than seven when she wrote Pride and Prejudice.

I hope you find my comments helpful, and that Kylie will carry on writing, and perhaps enter some of the many children’s writing competitions where her very original style may well bring her success.

Yours sincerely,

Tina Devino

Twelve

Playing With My Heart