I even went to the ballet with Sergei a couple of times to see Grigor leaping about! It was quite conducive to plotting out the last chapters of The Orchid Huntress, and, through long practice, I was able to totally blank out Sergei’s running commentary on the finer points of the dancers’ technique, while smiling faintly and nodding, back in enigmatic mode.

NOVELTINA LITERARY AND CRITICAL AGENCY

Mudlark Cottage, The Harbour, Shrimphaven

Dear Will Quinn,

Thank you so much for the latest copy of Strimp! containing your exciting new poem cycle ‘Snort, snort, snort’. Avant-garde poetry magazines do not often come my way.

I am so pleased that you found my advice helpful, and clearly your technique of ceaselessly bombarding every poetry publication with your work has paid off in an increasing number of acceptances, although I am sure that would not be the case were you not such an interesting poet.

Things are looking promising for you, and good luck with that competition with the prize of having your first poetry collection published in book form! I will keep my fingers crossed on that one.

Meanwhile, I wouldn’t give up your job just yet, unless you are an exceptional performance poet willing to do the rounds of small venues and literary festivals. Besides, your work clearly gives you lots of deeply meaningful life experience, which always makes for good copy.

I wish you every success with your writing.

Best wishes,

Tina Devino

Thirty

On Film

Dear Tony,

I asked Sergei, and he said Russian Orthodox, whatever that is. Does this mean that you are going to forbid the banns? (Not that we intend putting them up in the first place.) Oh, do, please do!

Tell Mary, regarding her kind enquiry as to the respective merits of bread-making machines over juicers as gifts, that I don’t have a wedding list, and will never have a wedding list, because there isn’t going to be a wedding. I know you are both finding this concept hard to grasp, but do try.

Your affectionate sister,

Tina

The Wryhove Literary Festival was looming. Having been fêted a bit I didn’t feel quite so overwhelmed by the honour, though I was aware that earning huge amounts of money had never given other non-literary authors any street credibility with the highbrow set.

Tershie agreed to Linny coming with me provided we booked in somewhere civilized for the duration, although at four months-ish pregnant I don’t think she was particularly delicate, only Tershie was touchingly concerned about her. As it turned out, it was just as well, because apparently things got booked up for miles around absolutely months ahead, but by flourishing indecently huge amounts of money Tershie managed to install us in a swish suite in a country-house hotel fairly near.