We were just joking. She wouldn’t actually really have a fling with him, even if she had the opportunity, because not only was she my best friend, she’d always been totally faithful to Tershie. Anyway, Sergei had met her a couple of times in Lemonia with me and there was no sexual chemistry that I could see, even though he does like bosomy brunettes.

I had been mulling over the way all the midlist authors were being dropped by the big publishing houses, and I thought there might be a couple of drawbacks they hadn’t realized.

For instance, what happened when the old bestselling novelists (like Hereward Brunswick, who gave Miracle her nickname and is still her star author client) died or hung up their laptops? I mean, most novelists worked up to bestsellerdom over a few years; they didn’t just spring fully formed out of nowhere.

And although a few of the one-hit wonders would go on to develop into good authors, most of them would probably vanish, because no matter how huge their marketing budget, if the actual books were crap the book-buying public were not going to be blowing their money on the next one, were they?

Still, who cared what I thought? Certainly not Tim the Suit.

Or, it seemed, Miracle.

NOVELTINA LITERARY AND CRITICAL AGENCY

Mudlark Cottage, The Harbour, Shrimphaven

Dear Mr Snaith,

Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that you don’t feel you have received good value for your money, as I have many testimonials from other authors thanking me for my sage advice. However, I have still spent a considerable amount of time working on your manuscript and so not only will I not be returning your cheque, but I enclose a bill for the extra 200,000 words.

With regard to your comments on switching genres several times within a novel, yes, there are indeed several famous authors who have done it – and that is the point: they are famous, they have made their name, and simply because of that they will be published and their books read whatever they write. When you are equally famous you can do the same, but until that glorious day dawns I suggest you try and limit yourself to one genre.

Now, a word of warning about these ‘small publishing houses’ that you mentioned intending to target with your magnum opus: they are all vanity publishers, and you will be expected to contribute financially if you wish to see your book in print. Non-vanity publishers are so inundated with unsolicited manuscripts that they have no need to advertise for more!

I hope this timely word of warning will be helpful to you, and I look forward to receiving your cheque for £300.

Yours sincerely,

Tina Devino

Six

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