Tertius took Linny to Lemonia for dinner the next night and she said her Rich Bitch friends were all talking about how cutting-edge-of-fashion I’d looked, with my slightly prom-style dress and the flowers, and did I think that sort of thing would suit her? I said she was built on more statuesque lines than me and so should go for a classical Greek draped look instead, and was she all right, because she sounded very tired?

‘Well, you know what Tershie’s like when he’s home,’ she said wearily. ‘He wants to make the most of his stopovers and he’s not satisfied unless he gives everything one hundred per cent of his attention – including me.’

‘Yes, but think of all the calories it will burn off. If it weren’t for Sergei I’d probably be the shape of a dumpling by now because, God knows, it’s the only exercise I take apart from the odd stroll along the beach, or round a garden.’

‘We could try his SergeiYoga classes again,’ she suggested, and I gave her a look of total disbelief. She may have forgotten the agonies of discovering muscles you never even thought you had, but I certainly remembered, and I hadn’t got the figure for Lycra anyway.

Three

Of Mice and Men

NOVELTINA LITERARY AND CRITICAL AGENCY

Mudlark Cottage, The Harbour, Shrimphaven

Dear Honoria Snibley,

I have now had a chance to glance at your manuscript, Clacton Stole My Heart, although, as I did try and point out at the party, I can only do a full critique on receipt of your cheque for three hundred pounds. I enclose an information sheet regarding the manuscript assessment service I offer should you wish to proceed with this.

One or two things immediately struck me about your novel (apart from the style being a strange blend of Bill Bryson crossed with Barbara Cartland), the major one being that it contains no dialogue whatsoever. Reporting what your characters have said afterwards is not quite the same as having them actually say it, which gives more immediacy to the narrative.

Should you decide to have your novel critiqued, could you please submit it double-spaced, with all the paragraphs indented, and in much bigger type?

You will find your manuscript in the porch any time you wish to collect it. I hope you have recovered from the sad loss of poor Fluffy.

Yours sincerely,

Tina Devino

I may have been the last woman in the country not to be connected to the Internet, but my computer was so old that Jackie’s daughter, Mel, said it should be in a museum. She hadn’t realized there was anything earlier than Windows 95 and there was no way it could handle emails.