I wondered what he did for a living. ‘One thing’s for sure,’ I said to Linny, ‘he’s not a writer. Have you noticed how there aren’t any good-looking male writers, only female ones, though why they all have to be blonde beats me. But male writers are never really tasty, or if there are any I haven’t seen them yet.’

‘What about Martin Amis?’ she suggested.

‘What about him? He’s not ugly, but would you want to see him across the breakfast table?’

Actually, the only stunningly attractive writer I could call to mind was Ted Hughes in his pre-grizzled days, when, going by the photos, he would have done it for me. Had I been born a few years earlier who knows what might have happened had our paths crossed? It would have had to have been pre-Plath, though, since I was programmed by my upbringing to leave married men well alone, on the strict understanding that hell would have a special place put by for me if I didn’t.

But on second thoughts that would mean I’d be even older than I was, and I’d been thirty-five for so many years even I could see that the lie was straining at the bonds of credibility and, truthfully, I wasn’t so much the shady side as that dark spot in the corner that the sun never reaches.

NOVELTINA LITERARY AND CRITICAL AGENCY

Mudlark Cottage, The Harbour, Shrimphaven

Dear Ms Mendosa,

Thank you for your recent enquiry. Yes, the Good Lord must have guided you to pick up that old copy of The Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook with my address in it, while visiting your English friend in St Lucia. He moves in mysterious ways.

Your novel sounds very interesting, based as it is on your deprived and brutal childhood in Cuba, but I am afraid that I cannot receive it through email, even as an attachment. I would imagine it would be much cheaper for you to approach one of the many agencies in the USA, but if you have definitely made your mind up that NOVELTINA is the agency for you, then perhaps I could simply send you the critique without returning your manuscript, thus saving you return postage.

I am unable to glance at it first and give you an idea of its saleability, as you suggest, without payment.

Should you wish to proceed, perhaps your bank could advise you on the correct way to forward the full fee to me at the same time as the manuscript.

Yours sincerely,

Tina Devino

The day after I visited Linny was one of the Society For Women Writing Romance get-togethers in London, which I usually went to, though sometimes I sneaked off to meetings of the League of Romance Writers, the rival outfit, where I had several friends and where they would let anyone in on the door if they stumped up a few quid.