Breakfast hit a whole new low, even though I hadn’t thought food could get worse than the previous night’s dinner, and calling custard scrambled egg fools nobody, even if you do dollop it on a piece of limp toast first. Although there were six whole fresh grapefruit on a side table you had to queue for them, and the one sharp knife to cut and segment them with, otherwise it was Blunt Teaspoons at Dawn, and so I gave up, and I’d be surprised if the ones there for a whole week didn’t get beriberi.

I did try to drink the coffee, but by the time breakfast was over I was starting to get acute caffeine withdrawal symptoms, so once everyone had rushed off to their group sessions I phoned for a taxi and begged the driver to take me to the nearest decent cup of coffee, which proved to be at a pottery factory and showroom with a tea shop attached, a few miles away.

I told him to collect me in a couple of hours. I’d done half my Christmas shopping by then, even if it would be a bit heavy to get home on the train, and the coffee was wonderful and came in soup bowls, so it would just have to keep me going until I got back on the train the next day. I also bought a supply of pastries and nuts and things to take back with me so I didn’t have to eat dinner that evening; I could just sit there and pretend.

You can’t say I don’t learn from experience. I was at the front of the queue for the bar’s brief opening before dinner, and got a whole bottle of wine despite the barman’s horror at the idea.

‘I’m sure you only mean a large glass, not a whole bottle, dear?’ he said kindly, but I insisted and carried it off to the dining room where I made sure I wasn’t at the dodgy dishing-out end of the table this time and pretended not to hear when the committee arrived and Moira said I was sitting in her chair.

Then Hereward Brunswick turned up, escorted by another Moira clone, and of course he drew the short straw this time. I was amazed that they could treat even a famous author like that! Or try to, because Hereward said straight out that he was positive they would understand that he’d rather sit next to me because he was such a great admirer of my books, and he was sure Deirdre wouldn’t mind changing with him?