“I know.”

Scarlett drove me home, and I let everything sink in once more. At that point, I really regretted what I’d said to Mel. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t know what to do, so I kept my distance for a few weeks. I began reflecting a lot more. I thought about how much she had helped me along the journey. She’d tried her hardest. She put in so much work and asked for nothing in return. God, I was an idiot. I had a lot to own up to.

Chapter 15 Inspiration

Scale, scale on the floor, do I weigh less than I did within the last twenty-four hours? I thought as I stood there the next day, watching the scale’s display. Three zeros flashed and flashed until it read 184. Less than before. In my mind I thought it was a good thing. Standing shirtless and seeing myself in the mirror still made me feel uneasy. I watched my skin pour down around me as I met my reflection. Looking in the mirror became a difficult chore.

I ended up going to school that day and got the same old stares as I had before. Everyone wanted to know my secret, but it was a secret I wasn’t proud of. I avoided eating breakfast that morning, some days I had very little, others I didn’t have anything at all. Navigating through class was difficult because of it. How could I listen to Mrs. Thompson educate me about Canadian history if the rumbling inside of my stomach was the centre of my attention? My skin was dry, my eyes were heavy, so I rested my head on my desk. Before long I woke up to: “Mr. Carter! You seem to be in a different world. Anything on your mind?” Mrs. Thompson said in front of the class.

Honestly, food. I wanted to eat, but I didn’t want to let myself.

“I didn’t sleep very much last night,” I lied. The truth was, I’d barely made it to school without fainting.

“A boy your age should get eight hours of sleep a night. Go get some water and come back when you’re ready.”

I went to the fountain and filled myself up. The water tasted better than it should have and I wanted every last drop. When I lifted my head, I saw a group of guys walk by. They were all huge and on the football team.

“Look at the MVP, Adrian Carter! I see you’re putting in work at the gym,” one of them said.

“Get it, bro,” another told me.

As they passed, they all gave me pats on the back and a thumbs-up. Each pat felt like it was going to knock me over, but I forced a smile. I didn’t like being complimented because of my appearance anymore. It felt really degrading, and I didn’t know how to tell people that.

Back in class, I tried to focus, but I couldn’t. I watched the clock and lunch was in twenty minutes. I was going to allow myself to have a granola bar to get myself through the day. It was just a waiting game. Out of nowhere I was hit in the head with a ball of paper. Mrs. Thompson didn’t see, or she would have stopped class to find out who did it. I opened it up and it read: Hey! Can you tell me your secret? You look great, and honestly, you’re really cute now.