That hurt her. I immediately regretted saying it. Mel’s eyes widened, not expecting that kind of anger from me. All my feelings had grown into something else, and that something was hurtful, spiteful, and full of misplaced fury, but aimed toward someone who didn’t deserve any of it. There was a long silence. It was uncomfortable, but she didn’t weep. She just sat there with her head down.

I wanted to say sorry, but my ego wouldn’t let me. I put my jacket on to leave.

“So, I guess this is kinda it, isn’t it?” she asked.

“You already made that choice,” I replied.

She wasn’t fighting back the tears — they were already rolling down her face. She inhaled heavily and exhaled so much sadness. So I left her alone to wallow in it. I shut the door on my way out, zipped up my jacket, and made my way back to my room, knowing I’d hurt the one I loved most. Deep down I really wished I hadn’t said any of it.

Chapter 14 Disparity

I didn’t get much sleep that night. My parents got in late, and that morning my mom saw me walk to the bathroom.

“Are you going to school?” she asked.

“I have a free first period,” I lied. I wasn’t going to school that day. I decided as soon as I stepped out of bed. Though if I told her I had a free period, then she’d leave the house for work before I would have to be out.

“All right, babes. Have a good day. I’ll see you this evening.”

“Later, Mom,” I replied.

My dad had already left earlier that morning, so after I heard my mom shut the front door I grabbed the scale and took off all my clothes again. I stepped on it to see the zeros doing their thing, and it landed on 185. Back to where I was. I guess that was okay. I made my way downstairs and ate half a banana, a slice of bread, and a spoon of peanut butter. I didn’t feel like eating very much.

After the night before, I knew I had to relieve a lot of stress, so I put on my runners and decided to go for a jog. I wasn’t as embarrassed to jog now, especially during the day. If I wore layers, then I looked just like anyone else. I was wearing an all-black tracksuit as I ran down past Dreamer’s Corner and made my way toward the mall. It was super chilly, and I was running out of breath really fast. It didn’t take me long to realize that I didn’t want to jog that day. I didn’t want to do anything. I sat down on a bench and put my head in my hands, feeling sorry for myself. I shouldn’t have said any of that to Mel. She didn’t deserve it.

Suddenly, I heard a car pull up, followed by a honking horn. It startled me so much that I fell back off the bench.