I looked back and saw Olivia smiling at me. I had known her since grade seven. She didn’t want to know my secret, and I found the note a little bit insulting. I didn’t find myself desirable when I was bigger either, but some things you should keep to yourself. I shook my head at her, and her smile faded into a frown.

When the lunch bell rang, I grabbed a granola bar from the cafeteria and one of the lunch ladies told me, “You’re looking really healthy, kid. Your parents must be proud.”

They were. My parents showed me off every time company came over, and I hated it. Guests didn’t have to see me while I was smaller to appreciate me. I didn’t feel any different and being desirable all of a sudden was extremely hurtful. I hated all of it.

I bought my granola bar and went up to the second floor to sit against the lockers. I didn’t know where Donny was, but I kind of wanted to be alone. Though the loneliness didn’t last for long. A student who I’d seen around a few times approached me. She was awkward, I was awkward. I couldn’t tell if she was really awkward or just shy. She looked at me for a few more moments and finally spoke. “You’re Adrian Carter, right?”

I nodded, my mouth still full of chewed-up granola bar.

“I know this is really weird. But I just wanted to tell you that you’re a huge inspiration. Your transformation really motivated me to lose weight.”

I paused while still chewing. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stayed silent for a moment.

“Sorry, you’re eating,” she said. “I’m such a dork, but can I show you what I looked like before?”

I swallowed my bar and said, “Hey. That’s really cool. Yeah, sure.”

She pulled out her phone, scrolled for a moment, and then passed it to me.

“See?” she said while showing me the photo. “I’ve lost twenty-seven pounds since September.” You could see the difference in the photo. She went from being a bit on the chubby side to fit. She looked sad in her picture, but now, standing in front of me, she looked happy. She looked hopeful.

“Thank you for showing me that.” I smiled. “I’m really proud of you. That’s a huge accomplishment.”

She blushed and told me, “Congrats on your accomplishment, too. You’re really a huge inspiration — to a lot of people. My name is Kate.”

“Nice to meet you, Kate.” I extended a hand that she shook. She left after a moment, waving shyly.

Kate left me with a lot of thoughts. It was a lot to process that my weight-loss journey helped motivate others to begin theirs. I guess my transformation carried a lot of weight. No pun intended. But hearing that left me torn because how much damage did I have to do to my body to be called an inspiration? My secret was a double-edged sword. On the surface, I looked like an inspiration, but beneath it, I felt like a failure that hid mistakes in layers of clothes. Students often complimented my appearance. I didn’t quite know how to take it, like that day in the cafeteria when I was swarmed. I felt so overwhelmed, but a lot of those students just wanted to tell me that they were proud of me. But would they say they were proud if they knew I purged? Would they say they were proud if they knew I wasn’t eating often? I ate enough to make me not feel like I was about to pass out, but I didn’t take proper care of myself.