I’d heard that story. Many times. And how, like four hours after she’d had me, she’d strapped me to her with some kind of wrap and gone back to check on her patients again. I tried to imagine what that must have been like, being so small and new, pressed tight to Mom’s chest.

“Gosh, it seems like yesterday,” Ruthie sighed.

“Not for me,” I said. “I don’t remember it.”

She laughed. “Anyway. Around here we call your mother ‘the Whirlwind.’”

I knew that, too. Sometimes Pop would say it to Mom at home. He’d say, “All right, now it’s time to stop being the Whirlwind and come back to regular speed.” And she would. Pop was magic like that.

The phone on Mom’s desk rang. Ruthie answered it.

“Okay,” she said into the receiver. “I’ll bring her up.”

I spent most of the day in the gallery, which is a room that looks down on the OR. I sat there among the med students and residents and watched, from a safe, less gory distance, as my mom did a triple bypass, opening the chest, harvesting veins from the patient’s leg to connect his heart to.

I didn’t faint or puke. Mostly I just read one of Pop’s graphic novels and tried to look interested in case my mother looked up to check on me. Which she didn’t. In there, she was laser focused. She probably didn’t even remember I was there.

The surgery took five hours. It went well. I had lunch with Ruthie in the hospital cafeteria and then spent some time with Mom introducing me to the other surgeons and nurses and residents. I remember that Billy Wong told me a knock-knock joke and gave me a lollipop. He didn’t have a daughter yet. Only Michael.

Afterward, on the train home, Mom said, “I’m proud of you,” which confused me because I hadn’t even done anything.

“I know,” I said, although I didn’t, really. “I’m proud of you, too, Mom.”

I was.

I really was.

Chapter 23

23

Today’s the day, I wake up thinking. I’ve arranged to have sex. Today. And why not? I feel a certain measure of relief thinking about it. With Leo, there was a lot of pressure attached to the idea. So many feelings. A certain degree of performance anxiety. But the notion of having sex with Nick feels completely different. With Nick it feels like two nerdy people simply getting this major life event over with, so we can say we did it and move on with our lives.

Casual, I’ve decided. Casual is the way to go. How did Afton put it yesterday? I’m going to cash in my V-Card.