We were fine, relatively speaking. But it was obvious to me even at three that there was something really wrong with my parents, who shouted at each other until the police showed up. My mother was like a different person in that memory, so angry when I knew her to be cool and collected most of the time. In that moment, the world shifted from being safe to being scary. It became a place where people could get hurt. They could die. They could change.

Seeing my mother today, betraying Pop, it feels exactly the same way.

My world has stopped, but my body still keeps going, and something breaks.

Chapter 15

15

It feels like forever before Afton and Abby arrive at the Lagoon Grill. By that time I’ve calmed myself. I even feel embarrassed at how dramatically I reacted. All the running. The hyperventilating. The huge emotions and hopeless thoughts. The flashback to a freaking car accident, for freak’s sake. I’ve pulled it together now. Still, seeing my sisters coming toward me holding hands, their faces both so innocent of the things I know, I feel my eyes burn. But I somehow manage to smile. “Hey! How was hula?” I ask Abby.

“Fun!” She beams up at me. “And Josie and her mom and brothers were there too! And we learned a new song.” She proceeds to sing an off-key ditty about the ocean and the silvery moon, but stops midway through to inform us that she’s hungry now, and we should probably feed her.

“How are you?” Afton asks, squinting at my face.

I nod. “Fine. Let’s get her something to eat.”

We find a table that overlooks the dolphin tank. It turns out that most of the things on the menu are sandwiches.

“I don’t like sandwiches,” says Abby.

“I know.” I scan the menu. “How about a burger?”

“I don’t like burgers.”

“How about a nice green salad?”

“Salad is rabbit food,” she says with a sniff.

“But you’re a little rabbit, aren’t you?” Afton says, and wiggles her nose.

Abby giggles. “No. I’m a girl, silly.”

“How about a salad . . . with pineapple in it?” I offer.

Sold.

I order a Hawaiian bacon BBQ burger for myself, which is an epically bad idea. My head feels full, but my body feels empty, and it seems in the moment like maybe if I eat something familiar, like a burger, things in my world will return to normal.

But instead the burger instantly gives me a horrible stomachache.