It occurs to me belatedly that maybe me deciding to have sex is a form of revenge. Revenge on whom, I can’t say exactly. On Afton for trying to boss me around about what I’m ready for, or for her inexplicable ability to get any guy she wants to fall at her feet, at any time. On Mom, for expecting me to always be so good while she feels free to be as bad as she wants.

I’ll show them both.

But, underneath all that, it also comes back to genuine curiosity. To know what it will be like. I feel so terrible about everything right now. I want to feel better. Sex could make me feel better. And maybe it’s as simple as that.

I stretch my arms over my head. Today’s the day. Or maybe tonight.

I still can’t really picture it, Nick and me, becoming horizontal with each other. But I’ll get there. I’ve decided. Today.

I’m getting out of bed when I notice the spot of red on the white sheets.

“No,” I gasp incredulously. I run to the bathroom to check my pajamas. “No no no no no!”

Yes. My period has arrived. It’s like four days early. I knew it was coming, and it felt unfair knowing it would happen in Hawaii, because isn’t that how it always goes when you go on a trip? You have to pack the extra stuff. You have to worry about it.

But this, today, of all days, is the ultimate level of unfair. This is seriously going to mess up my life.

It’s like the universe doesn’t want me to have sex. Revenge or not.

“Nooooooo,” I moan. Right on cue I start to cramp. Why does that always happen, too, that the pain only comes after you notice you’ve started? I sink to the bathroom floor. I want to scream. I want to sob over the unfairness of this world. I want to eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself and possibly die.

A shadow crosses over me—Afton, standing at the bathroom door. “You sound like you’re dying in here.”

“Oh, I am,” I confirm. “Minute by minute, I’m getting closer to the grave. Give it seventy years or so.”

She scoffs and walks away, back to hating me again.

I get up, clean up, shower quickly, make use of some feminine products, and before Mom can come in to dump Abby off on me, I run down to the pool to meet Nick.

Only now I don’t know what to say.

He’s there. It’s nice that he’s so prompt. Leo was always running late for things. “Have you tried the acai bowls from the café? They are delectable,” Nick says as I approach the cabana by the Ocean pool.