Clearly relieved that the subject has moved on, Kenneth grins and holds up the device, and the audience goes, ‘Ooooh!’

‘This,’ he says, ‘is my latest venture. I call it …’

‘I believe you’re calling it “the Dreaminator”. Woooo!’ The presenter says this in an exaggerated, dramatic way that makes it clear he thinks it’s crazy and the audience titters. ‘What does it do, Kenneth?’

‘Well, as the name implies, it allows the user, when asleep, to control his or her dreams, so that …’

Robbie Ferguson interrupts again. ‘You’re saying you can dream whatever you like, thanks to these wee crystals.’ He reaches over and holds up one of the woven cords with a crystal attached.

‘Well, it’s not just that, Robbie. You see, the philosophy behind this is based on my lengthy studies of a number of ancient cultures. Many of us possess the ability, through practice and meditation, to control our dreams and actually experience them as though we are awake. What the Dreaminator does is to combine that natural ability – which is very hard to acquire – and put it within the grasp of pretty much anyone. By using the unique qualities of these crystals here to create an undetectable vibration around the sleeper, along with the ancient power of the pyramids …’

The presenter’s face shows boredom and frustration. He interrupts. ‘Oh aye. Can you prove that it works, Kenneth?’

There’s a long pause, and the audience sniggers again.

Kenneth says, ‘In cases like this, proof is a difficult thing to quantify, Robbie, so I’d say …’

‘So you can’t prove it?’

‘Well, I know it works for me, and …’

‘Well, you’re bound to say that! You’re selling it!’

The audience laughs properly now, and Kenneth glances at them, annoyed.

‘I hate that man!’ says Susan. ‘He’s a bully!’

‘How much is this selling for, Kenneth?’

‘Well, once production commences, I expect it to be retailing for around twenty pounds.’

Now the audience gasps. I do too. ‘Is that all?’ I say to Susan.

‘That was 1981,’ she says, quickly, not taking her eyes from the screen. ‘It would be a lot more now. Shh.’

‘… you’re saying that you haven’t started making them yet? And you’re expecting people to pay twenty quid to control their own dreams and you can’t even prove it works!’

‘We have made some prototypes, but full-scale production …’

‘Kenneth, with respect. I love you as the Mystic o’ the Highlands, but I tell you this much. If you manage to persuade people to shell out twenty of their good Scottish pounds for a load of string and a few pebbles, then that will be your best trick ever!’

He grins at the audience, who are howling with laughter now. Kenneth has no choice but to smile and to pretend that it’s all in good humour. But, in the close-up shot, his eyes look moist.