Downstairs, I hold up a plastic bag with a book in it, trying to behave as if this is the most normal thing in the world. Uncle Pete and Mormor are in the living room, watching television with the sound turned up to loud because Mormor’s hearing is really bad.

‘I have to take this back!’ I shout. ‘I won’t be long,’ and I turn to go, believing for a whole second that I have got away with it.

‘Hang on, mate. Where are you going?’ says Uncle Pete, muting the sound and making Mormor look up from her phone. ‘It’s nearly half past eight. It’s dark out.’

Okay, okay, total relaxation. They don’t know that this isn’t normal.

‘Oh, it’s just a school thing.’ Don’t make your voice go high, Malky. ‘Ahem. Susan left her school iPad here. Earlier. Before. By mistake. And she needs it right now. She’s only at the end of the street.’ I’m gabbling, definitely, but I’m keeping my voice low.

‘School iPads, heh? So modern!’ says Mormor, raising her eyebrows.

Oh, please don’t ask to see it. There’s just a book inside this bag, and our school doesn’t use iPads, anyway.

‘I won’t be long.’

‘Who is this that you’re meeting?’ says Uncle Pete.

Oh, come on! I can see the clock on the mantelpiece eating up the minutes …

‘Susan. Susan Tenzin. Big house at the end. She’s always round here. Mam and Dad know her really well. She’s like my best friend.’

Somehow this seems less like a lie than it might have done until recently.

‘Well, that’s nice,’ says Mormor. ‘I had a friend called Susan when I was at school, and …’

Oh no! She wants to chat!

I add, ‘They’re Buddhists,’ for good measure just because I know Uncle Pete did a mindfulness retreat in Greece last Christmas. ‘And they go to bed very early.’ He gets the hint.

‘Don’t be long. Got your phone with you?’

I wave it at him and I’m out of the door before he can change his mind, and I run to meet Susan on time.

Chapter 66

Susan and I lean against the railings in front of the old priory, facing Becker & Sons, and already I’m creeped out just by looking at it. Susan straightens up and looks at me keenly.

‘It is all about psychology,’ she says. ‘I have been trying to work out how she will think.’

She’s good, I’ll give her that. She sounds as though she knows what she is talking about.

‘Option one: we could tell Kezia the truth. Say that you need to get the Dreaminator in order to … you know, do what you need to do, and ask her to go into her father’s funeral parlour and take it from wherever it is.’