And I don’t know how long I’m there, on the bathroom floor, resting my head against the cool porcelain, in my still-damp pyjamas.

My breathing returns to normal. I spit the last of the puke into the bowl and flush, then spin round in fright in case a crocodile comes through the door like it once did.

But no. I’m not dreaming. I punch the wall.

Ow.

I’m in my bathroom at home. I jump and try to float downwards to the floor, but land with the usual force. I am awake.

I am not …

… definitely not …

dreaming!

I’m still shaking with fear, but everything is as it should be. I manage a wobbly grin in the mirror, rinse my mouth from the tap and head back to bed. I peel off my pyjamas and throw them in the corner.

That’s it! No more. Never, ever, ever again! That was just horrible, and I’m furious with Seb for persuading me, and with myself for giving in to him. It’s nearly time to get up, anyway.

‘Seb!’ I hiss, angrily, when I get back to our room. ‘Seb. Hey, Seb! Wake up!’

He lies there in the same green goalie top, twitching his head from side to side occasionally, his face grey-blue in the glow from the Dreaminators hanging above our beds: the devices that I had switched off, but that Seb switched back on again, once I was asleep.

Annoying little brothers do stuff like that.

‘Seb, man, stop messing about. Seb? Sebastian. Sebastian! Wake up!’ I shake him roughly. ‘Seb! Seb!’

He doesn’t wake. It’s like he’s dead but still breathing. I shake him some more – I even slap him.

‘Wake (slap) up (slap)!’

My stomach flips over, and, if I hadn’t already thrown up, I feel like I might do again. I grab him by both shoulders, shaking him against his pillow. Nothing. I shout louder, I slap him harder – too hard, in fact. There’s now the red mark of my fingers on his cheek.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ I sob. ‘But just wake up!’

From across the landing I hear Mam’s sleepy voice. ‘Boys? Malky? What’s going on?’

In those few seconds before Mam comes in, I begin to regret all the bad things I had thought about Seb.

I sink to my bed and hold my head in my hands. I can hear Mam coming.

What have I done?

Chapter 5

Can you divorce your little brother?