Mrs Farroukh has a copy of my ‘Conduct Contract’ on the desk in front of her, signed by me at the end of last term after I had accidentally smashed the glass of the school trophy cabinet on prize day. Long story. Not my fault. (Well, not all my fault.) Anyway …

‘I’m very disappointed, Malcolm,’ Mrs Farroukh says. ‘I so wanted you to start off this term well. We need to channel your more impulsive energies, but it’s far too soon in the school year to start making negative assumptions …’

She’s been going on like this for a while now and I’m sort of tuning out, but hang on …

She doesn’t want to make negative assumptions. I think that means I’m going to get let off. I think that means she’s not going to punish me.

‘… I have had some rather disconcerting news, however, Malcolm.’

This does not sound good. I straighten up and prepare my innocent face.

She is looking out of her window at the rugby pitch, with her wide back to me. ‘I received a telephone call this morning from someone who lives in Tynemouth who believes one of our students here at Marden Middle may have been trespassing in her backyard, and in doing so caused an injury to a dog that has required veterinary treatment. Do you know what trespassing is, Malcolm?’

‘No, miss.’ I have composed my face to add ‘puzzled’ to ‘innocent’, while trying to keep ‘relieved’ at bay because I know that trespassing – whatever it might be – is probably not as bad as robbery or burglary or animal cruelty …

‘Trespassing, Malcolm, is being on or in someone’s property without their permission.’ She turns round and looks at me closely. I don’t move. I don’t think I even blink.

Blink, Malky, otherwise you look defiant and therefore guilty.

I blink a few times, and add a little smile for good measure.

‘Now, she gave me a description of the trespasser.’ Mrs Farroukh lets this sink in for a moment. Then for another moment, and I think she adds yet another moment just for extra effect before she says, ‘But …’

I have started to sweat. I feel a trickle under my arm. I blink again.

‘But, as she admitted, it was getting dark. She could not be certain that she would recognise him – or for that matter her – again. From the age of the trespasser, though, and what they were wearing, it would seem very likely that he – or she – was one of our students.’

She hasn’t taken her eyes off me. She leans against her desk and her bottom spreads along the edge.