Arthur Then are you zaying Ted Narracott’s not good for it?

Ted I’m good for it! I’m damn good for it!

Arthur There’s that sheep again!

Ted What was his last bid? What was it!?

Arthur If you’re going to bid again, bid thirty-three, thass the next num–

Ted Thirty-three!

Arthur Thirty-four! Thirty-four guineas!

Ted Thirty-five!

Arthur Thirty-zix!

Ted Thirty-zeven!

Arthur Thirty-eight!

Ted If he’s good enough for your zon, he’s good enough for mine. Think he’s gonna ride ’im about the place all la-de-da? Bliddin’ Warrens. Thirty-nine guineas!

Beats. Arthur and Ted glare at each other.

Arthur … Have ’im.

Ned No!?

Carter Thirty-nine guineas going once … Going twice …

Arthur Do you have thirty-nine guineas on you, Ted?

Ted begins to pat his pockets.

Carter Gone! Ted Narracott. Thirty-nine guineas.

Ringsiders react.

Albert Dad, you beat him!

Ted Thirty-five pounds.

Albert That’s the mortgage money!

Ted Don’t tell your mother. Try this pocket. Five pounds, nineteen shillings left ta find.

Albert helps Ted search his pockets.

Albert And here, is this a ten shilling note?

Arthur Na. ’S note from your mother. ‘Pay mortgage. Buy calf.’

Ringsiders laugh.

Keep searchin’.

Arthur An’ if he does magic thirty-nine guineas then zomeone had better send the doctor round to Narracott’s farm, ’cos either poor Rose Narracott’s gonna faint when she hears about this or she’s gonna give her husband a richly deserved –

Ted I have it! Thirty-nine guineas!

Ned Oh no!

Ted (to Arthur) He’s mine, that horse is mine!

Ted pays Carter.

Arthur Dunno why you’re so happy, Ted. You came to buy a calf and you’ve paid way over the odds for a fancy riding horse instead.

With little confidence, to the amusement of the ringside audience Ted gets in the ring and cautiously approaches Joey.

Moo!

Ringsiders laugh at Ted’s expense.

Albert Vather, let me.

Joey watches Ted put a slip-noose in a length of rope.

Ted gets almost close enough to touch Joey, then makes a hash of the last bit, throwing the noose but missing as Joey avoids him and takes fright anew.

Let me do it.

Ted Shut up!

Joey careers round the ring to the cheers and jeers of the ringside audience. Ted makes things worse by trying to chase after Joey.

Ned Your vather’s clear and sheer drunk again.

Albert What about your vather – what’s his excuse for being like he is?

Joey causes Ted to fall over in the ring. Furious, Ted gets up and whips Joey.

Albert gets in the ring to intervene.

Ted whips Albert. The place hushes – you could hear a pin drop.

Ted Get home!

Exit Albert.

Carter Lads!

Several other men enter the ring. In a businesslike fashion they force Joey down to the floor. A harness is fitted and he’s let up into Ted’s insecure custody.

Arthur Ted Narracott masters his new fancy riding horse!

Ted Say what you like, Arthur; you wanted it, I got it. I won.

Arthur What exactly have you won? Buying ’im is the latest minus entry in the ledger that lists Ted Narracott’s vollies. He gets ideas above his station, that’s his problem. He’s stupid! He thinks he’s clever, but he’s stupid!