Here boy, here! Gonna wear yerself out.

Ned That’s right, horse, don’t pay any mind to him.

Albert ignores him.

Albert Hey boy, hey boy.

Ned Here boy!

Joey definitely favours Albert.

Enter Arthur Warren.

Arthur Wassup, Ned?

Ned This foal. Watch him.

Arthur You think he’s a prospect?

Ned He’s got something.

Arthur He’s a hunter, en’t he? Half-thoroughbred, half-draught. He’s fer riding, so eh, Albert, what would you want with a horse like that?

Ned That your father’s pint or are you goin’ the same way?

Albert stays focused on Joey.

Ned deliberately nudges Albert, spilling the pint.

Ned Whoops!

Albert What the –!

Arthur It’s for you and yer family’s good. We don’t think your father should drink so much.

Enter Ted. The Warrens leave Albert and brush past Ted, who retrieves his pint pot from Albert.

Ted Where’s my beer?

Albert Ned made me spill it.

Ted He did what?

Albert He nudged me.

Ted Why did ya let ’im do that?

Albert I didn’t let ’im.

Ted Eh, did you nudge ’im?

Arthur You talking ta me?

Ted No, ta him.

Arthur There must be sheep for sale, Ned, I can hear one bleating.

Ted Someone owes me a pint!

Albert Dad, leave it …

Ted A fresh pint, if you please.

Arthur He (Albert) spilled it. Got the Narracott shake.

Ted goes for Arthur.

Enter Carter. Ringsiders return.

Carter What’s going on?

Ted and Arthur separate.

Two grown men.

Ted One of ya – I don’t care which – owes me a pint.

Arthur No.

Ned No.

Carter If you don’t mind. Next lot. Hunter colt. Half-thoroughbred, half-draught. His draught mother had a night of passion with a thoroughbred, just like mine did. Looks as if he might have some speed when he gets older.

Ned Buy ’im, vather. He’ll be a winner.

Arthur (to Carter) We’ll have him. Twenty guineas. That’s fair.

Carter Twenty guineas bid by Arthur Warren.

There are no other bids.

No? No one else? Going once, going twi–

Ted Twenty-one guineas!

Albert Vather?

Carter Farmer Narracott bids twenty-one? Are you sure?

Ted What d’ye mean, am I sure?

Carter Earlier on you asked me about the calf that’s coming –

Ted Changed ma mind.

Arthur Twenty-two.

Ted Twenty-three.

Albert Dad?

Arthur Twenty-four.

Ted Twenty-five.

Albert Dad?

Arthur Twenty-six!

Ted Twenty-seven!

Arthur Twenty-eight!

Ted Twenty-nine.

Albert Dad, we’re here to buy a calf –

Ted Dost like the beast or no?

Arthur You can make out through the fug of the ale that this is a horse, Ted? Zot a calf, you know, just ’cos it has four legs and a head.

Ted Twenty-nine!

Arthur Thirty!

Ted Thirty-one!

Arthur Thirty-two!

The Ringsiders know this has got out of hand now.

Carter Gentlemen! Let’s take a breath for a moment. And whilst you do that let me remind you that full payment is required as soon as the hammer falls.

Arthur Are you zaying I’m not good for it?

Carter No, Arthur, I am not saying that.