‘Good,’ she says simply, which is always her answer at this time of day. It’s only as the afternoon goes on that more comes out of her, like who she played with, what she ate, what fun fact she’s picked up that she wants to share. She’s transformed since starting school, and even nursery allowed her a fresh environment which she thrived in. She still challenges me (what child doesn’t?), but our relationship has so many different parts to it now. Like me and her dad, we talk. I’ve just had to learn that us talking must happen on her terms and when she’s ready, not just when I want to. Kids are complicated, but then I remember being a kid myself and feeling like the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders – even at the tender age of eight years old. I’m just there when she needs me, which I hope she’ll always be aware of.

‘Hello, Mum,’ Barnaby says, already by my side, no longer having to wait for me to arrive to be let free of the classroom. At ten years old he’s now above my shoulder in height. Nick’s tall so I guess it’s not surprising that he’s followed suit. I see my children growing as a physical representation of the time that’s passing – and that’s what gives me pause occasionally. It’s going so quickly. When I think back to the newborn stages they seem like a distant dream, and those times of complete overwhelm that followed thankfully feel far away too.

When I do let myself think about that period of time, which I try not to do too often because thinking of myself in that state is too painful, I’m aware of how close I was to darkness. Asking for help, opening my mouth and talking, was the thing that saved me. I don’t think I would’ve done that had it not been for that trip we took to Peru. I would’ve carried on feeling resentful, angry, buried under the fog, and lost. I was unable to see that there was so much good around me, so much to be thankful for, and to realize it wasn’t acceptable to leave myself feeling that way. I wish I had known that help was available to me if I reached for it, and that life would be so much better for taking it. I’m so grateful I found that eventually.

‘Where’s Dad?’ asks Barnaby, tugging on the strap of his rucksack. ‘I thought he was working from home today.’