It’s funny to think of this place as the highlight of the trip, as its focus, but that’s because our moment of release came up another mountain a couple of days ago when we scattered Pia into the air. I don’t think anything else this trip offers will top that moment for any of us, no matter how much we were all looking forward to getting here. Even though it’s busy with tourists and people posing for photos, there’s also a peacefulness about it. We find a spot that’s elevated above the structures and situated nicely next to two llamas. It’s there that we sit in silence for some time.

My mind goes back to home. As it has every time I allow my thoughts some space. I love my children, I love Nick, I love being a mum. However, I have felt buried and unhappy. I need to address that. How can I possibly find time for me when time already feels so short in supply? When I’m already too knackered from doing mum duties, how can I possibly sign up to something else that’s going to require my time and energy? I’m not entirely sure, to be honest, but I do know that unless I change things and find a better balance that works for me, I won’t be the best version of myself for the people I love more than anything. I would do anything for my family, and that is why a change needs to happen. To preserve it. To save me. Whatever I’ve had lurking over me has clouded my mind so vividly that it’s been hard to see clearly through the fog. I need to stop being scared and start breaking my way through it.

I think that is a conversation for home, with Nick. The man I chose to walk through life with while facing any adversities and problems side by side.

I need to trust him with this.

I need to let him help me.

I need to be honest.

Gosh, I miss him, I realize. And my bonkers children. I miss the lot of them. I texted Nick as soon as I got signal yesterday, telling him to call me as soon as the kids were up, no matter the time. They were up just after six their time, so I got woken to a FaceTime video call just after midnight, and I couldn’t have been happier for the night-time interruption.

‘Babies!’ I cooed at the phone, smiling at them all lying in my bed.

‘Mummy?’ grinned Barnaby.

‘Yes.’

‘Are you coming home yet?’

‘Not long. Just a few more days and I’ll be with you.’

‘Mumma,’ said Chloe.

‘Yes.’

‘Have you seen any bears?’

‘No,’ I laughed. ‘I’ve not seen Paddington.’

‘Oh,’ she said, looking sad. ‘What about snakes?’ she asked, a little more hopefully.

‘No.’