‘I needed to get away, to have some time where no one was relying on me for anything and everything. I wanted to feel free, like me again. But if this is freedom it feels a bit … shitty,’ I admit, unable to stifle a laugh at my choice of words.

‘I like what you did there,’ beams Zaza, before giving me a squeeze.

‘I thought I’d be running up the mountains like Maria from The Sound of Music, singing as I go. But this is hard. It’s a strain on my body, my mind doesn’t know what to do with itself and my emotions are completely shot,’ I admit. ‘There are times back home when I really struggle, and when those moments hit I feel completely debilitated. As though I literally can’t cope. Then I feel shit because motherhood is such a blessing and my kids are adorable when they want to be. It’s shameful to admit that in those moments, though, I feel like other people could do a better job, that they’d be better off without me.’

‘You know they wouldn’t,’ Zaza says.

‘I know,’ I reply. ‘And I really do know that. When everything is going smoothly and I think back to the irrational thoughts that whirled around my head I wonder how I could ever think in that way. But then I spiral again, and those thoughts come back thick and fast. The thing is, I think this week has shown me that motherhood and my children are such a huge part of who I am, and that that’s OK. This trip hasn’t quite been what I thought it would be so far, but I realize I do need to think about me for a change and process who I’ve become. Even if I am petrified of who this new “me” is.’

‘Does Nick know about any of this?’ asks Zaza.

I sigh. ‘No. I wouldn’t know where to start. I just feel so altered – in every single way: with my body, my mum-brain and my topsy-turvy emotions. I feel so lost sometimes and that freaks me out because I don’t know how to be around him as a result.’

‘He loves you,’ says Mike.

‘I know he does, and I love him … although I have to admit something rather embarrassing.’

‘Go on,’ says Mike.

‘I’ve had some inappropriate thoughts about Scott. They’ve made me feel like a right bitch.’

‘Thoughts?’ asks Zaza, her head swinging round to face me.

‘You mean safe thoughts that you didn’t act on?’ asks Mike, glancing at Zaza.

‘Give her a chance … you’ve seen the state she’s been in,’ giggles Zaza.

‘Thanks,’ I mutter.

‘Well, that doesn’t make you a bad person,’ states Mike, again looking across me to Za.