The small towns and villages disappeared from view as we walked and before long we found ourselves trekking along a narrow path that’s been cut into the mountainside. It’s a well-trodden route despite it feeling like it’s in the middle of nowhere. In the distance, for as far as I can see, are mountains. They roll, cascade and climb invitingly. The expanse of it all, the silence of it, making me and my worries feel small.

As we walk in single file I can hear Mike and Zaza behind me, asking Kevin lots of questions about the history of the place and the beliefs of the Incas. While I’m listening to his answers I focus on Scott’s legs and boots in front, my mind starting to drift off. I can’t help but wonder how many mornings he’s pulled on the same pair of boots. How many times he’s taken on this trek and many others. I wonder how far he has travelled and what it’s like to be him with his carefree existence, taking on the world in this way. It must be breezy and cheerful being Scott. Easy. Stress-free.

‘So what do you do?’ I hear Scott ask from in front, the actual words getting lost in the daydream of my thoughts. ‘Vicky?’ he prods.

‘Oh! I’m so sorry!’ I laugh. ‘I heard you but I was in such a daydream.’ I don’t add the subject matter of those thoughts. I’ve been embarrassed around this guy enough already, I don’t need more material to cringe over.

‘Right.’

‘What do I do?’ I repeat, thinking how to answer the question I hate more than most. ‘Raise kids?’ I say, instantly hating how I turn it into another question, like it’s not enough or I’m looking for some sort of confirmation and understanding that it absolutely is. Like I want him to validate my life with his awareness of how bringing up little humans to be good ones is definitely an important full-time job involving more unpaid overtime than any civil rights lawyer would want to be faced with.

‘Really?’ he asks, the rhythm of his feet changing, almost skipping a beat as his heel scuffs along the floor.

‘You seem shocked.’

‘I thought you were unattached and devoid of responsibility,’ he says.

I remember my thoughts about him a few moments ago and let out a laugh.

‘I didn’t think I gave off such a relaxed vibe. I worry about everyone and everything and am most definitely the most considered and hesitant one of us three,’ I state, realizing that he definitely wasn’t listening to me when we first met. He’s clearly not observant either, I think, looking down at the band on my wedding finger – a simple circle of silver, having decided to leave my engagement ring at home for safe keeping.