Thankfully things were only awkward for the one day. I rationalized that you can’t help what happens in your dreams, it’s completely out of your control, and seeing as mine have been chucking out all sorts of craziness over the last six months I had to accept it as just another part of that. Sure, having sex with a co-worker isn’t quite the same as standing waist-deep in sea water chatting to your dead mate, but it’s my mind making sense of things and processing all that’s been going on. They mean I miss my mate and am aware that Albie is attractive. It doesn’t bode well to dive deeper into my dreams than that. I’ve come not to trust them anyway. That little snippet of make-believe sexy time was lovely while it lasted but didn’t prompt me to jump into bed with him, or grab him so that I could orgasm against the piles of paper and pens in the cupboard. No thanks. Not that I haven’t revisited the dream a few times since then though. The thought makes me clench my jaw.

‘I know that,’ Vic stammers, shocked by my crude remark, taking me back to our conversation.

‘I’m sure Nick has loads of female friends at work!’ I state, trying to move my mind away from that stationery cupboard.

‘What’s Nick got to do with it?’ she frowns, taken aback.

‘I’m just saying,’ I say, heat spreading across my chest and cheeks. ‘He has female friends and I have male ones. I bet you don’t go snooping when he gets a text from work.’

‘OK,’ she says softly, glancing around at the other passengers. She’s never been one for creating a scene.

Vicky has always been the sort to want to know anything and everything about a situation. What’s that? and Are you OK? are two of her favourite phrases as she needles out something she deems to be the problem, which she then goes about fixing. Not everything needs fixing.

‘What’s up?’ Mike asks, poking his head between our two head rests, his face looming between us both.

‘Nothing,’ Vicky sniffs, without turning back to face us.

I roll my eyes at him.

‘She was just sticking her oar in. As per,’ I state.

‘What?’ she shoots at me, her head whipping round as the words come out in a whisper.

I inhale to speak but nothing comes out. Even I know I’ve pushed this too far and been a dick. I look back to the view outside, unable to look at the hurt and betrayal on Vicky’s face.

With my back to them I’m aware of Mike sitting back down into his own seat and Vicky gathering her bits before moving elsewhere on the bus.

I feel shit. A shit friend and a shit human.