I think back to the moment that I first saw Sam. He was sitting at the bar, pint in front of him, chatting easily with the barman – I heard snippets of the conversation, something about United’s latest signing, and the state of the Champions League. I have no interest in football. I can’t even bluff it, like some girls can – knowing just enough to keep a man interested. Men are stupid when it comes to football. As soon as a girl fires off a useless nugget of information that is even remotely accurate, they hook on to it, and the entire game, the money behind it, the reasons for it all, are meticulously mansplained – making him feel superior, like he has explained a universal truth. While the girl smiles and nods and knows she’s achieved her goal, pardon the pun, as a brand-new shiny cocktail appears in front of her, and he slides his stool ever so slightly towards hers.

I’ve seen this happen so many times, and I’ve considered learning a small nugget of my own, just to get the reaction. But I’ve found it easier to go with my own plan – which is to feign absolute ignorance of all sports and to look positively bored when the man has floundered for another way to reel me in. I prefer my way.

I watch Carrie as she interacts with Rory. They are sitting on cushions, outside the ger. Smoking. Giggling. Martin is leaning back on his cushion, his face pressed into the guidebook again. I’m happy for a bit of quiet time to reflect, to watch.

Carrie is fascinating to watch.

Sam was fascinating to watch, too. I sat at a table in the corner, just far enough away so that I could see him, observe his mannerisms, hear snippets of his conversation. I liked his accent. I definitely have a thing for accents, especially on men. He sounded like he was from Essex, but trying to hide it. He wasn’t going for that over-the-top exaggerated take on the accent that most of the new wave of tedious reality stars are fond of affecting. I was interested in how his accent might change when his environment did – if others like him were to appear. It sounds like I’m watching wildlife – observing baboons in their natural habitat – but really, humans and animals aren’t so different at all. I know this. I watch them a lot. Watch, listen, learn. You have to know what you’re dealing with before you can try to infiltrate.