‘Oh! Nice work, love. This is exactly the kind of shitey tat that Laura loves. In fact, she asked for something just like this … You must be a mind reader!’ She links her arm through mine and starts walking. ‘I was thinking we’d take this stuff back to the B&B first, but, actually, why don’t we just head out? I’m quite up for a few bevs. You can tell me all about this ex of yours.’

I just smile at that. I won’t be telling her anything of the sort. I let her march us out of the shop, pleased with myself.

I’m doing well.

9

The pub is full of wood panelling, green leather seats, gold-and-green patterned carpet. The walls are adorned with hundreds of signs – ‘Tipperary 200 miles’, ‘Céad míle fáilte’ – and various football and rugby shirts. I glance around; we could be anywhere in the world. Just like in the Hard Rock Cafe the other night.

‘Wow,’ Carrie says, ‘it’s like they went to Ireland-R-Us and bought the entire stock.’

I laugh. ‘That really should be a shop. They’d make a killing on these Irish bars around the world.’ I think back to the Irish Bar I’d found in Beijing, the night before I met Carrie. I’d chatted to a pilot in there for a while. He bought me a few drinks and I’d thought he might be a good candidate for my new friend, but the more whiskey he drank, the more I started to doubt his story. He might have been a pilot once, but I wasn’t convinced. Some people are pathetic when they lie.

Carrie heads over to a booth seat in the corner, close to the bar. A couple of lads sitting on stools at the bar glance over at us, throwing appraising looks, but I look away. I hope Carrie doesn’t invite them over.

A pretty girl who looks about fifteen, wearing a green polo shirt with the bar’s emblem in gold on her left breast, arrives at the table with a notebook and pen. She places two leather-bound menus on the table.

‘Hi,’ she says. ‘I really recommend the cheeseburgers today. Can I get you a drink first? Some Guinness maybe?’ She has the barest hint of an accent, but her words are precise, as if she has rehearsed this short speech.

‘I’ll have a lager, actually,’ Carrie says. She looks across the table at me expectantly.

‘Same.’ The waitress opens her mouth, ready to reel off the brands. ‘You choose,’ I say, and she smiles and scurries off.