Finally, she looks him in the eye. Holds his gaze. He’s not that bad-looking. This is not the worst thing she’s ever done.

‘Please,’ she says. ‘Can you make this go away?’

He comes closer to her, stepping over the body. She can smell him now. His hot, stale sweat. She wonders when he last washed. She shudders, imagining the smell inside his clothes to be much, much worse. Hot acid roils up her throat and she swallows it back. She has no choice about this. She needs his help.

‘And the other girl?’ he says, blowing smoke slowly into her face. ‘Where is she now?’

‘She’s … I…’ Her eyes flit up and left, towards the balcony. His eyes follow, and then back to her again. His stare is hard, his expression unreadable.

She says it again, more pleading. More desperate. ‘Please. Can you make this go away?’

He grins, revealing sharp, wolfish teeth, and she hears the chink of metal on metal as he unclips his belt. There’s a brief pause, while he removes the cigarette and drops it on the ground, grinding it into the dirt, then without breaking eye contact, he slowly pulls down his zip. His huge, dark pupils gleam in the moonlight, full of want. She can’t look at him anymore.

She closes her eyes and tries to imagine herself somewhere else. With someone else. Somewhere far from here. Somewhere long ago.

He shuffles closer towards her and his trousers slide down to his ankles. The sour milk smell of him hits the back of her throat, but she won’t cry. She refuses to cry. She can do this. She has to.

He lays a rough, warm hand on top of her head, exerting just enough pressure to force her to her knees. Gravel cuts into her bare flesh, but she barely feels it. She is numb.

‘Oh yes, leetle peeg,’ he says, ‘I can make this go away.’

Beijing

1

I’m sitting alone on a concrete bench. Around me, people are swarming, shouting quickly in a language that I can’t understand. Above me, the sky is a thick powder blue, like dirty paintbrushes swirled in water. The smog is so dense I can taste it. Waves of panic wash over me as I try to inhale some fresh air, and I wonder how anyone can breathe in this city. What started out as an exciting, fun morning has rapidly declined into panic and frustration; and not for the first time, I regret leaving Sam behind in Bangkok.