‘Oh. Right, yeah. You go. Hang on…’ She rustles about in her bag and pulls out a fat red tub. ‘Put this on your hair, leave it in while you get washed and whatever. It’ll soften those tangles…’ She cocks her head to one side, appraising me, like a little bird. ‘I might even be able to brush it for you.’ She stands beside me at the dresser and we look into the mirror together. She pulls my hair back off my face. ‘Smile,’ she says, and I have no choice but to oblige. She smiles too, both of us grinning like lunatics into the mirror. ‘See? We’re quite alike, actually, when you get that mop out of the way. I’ll give you a makeover and then we’ll hit the town.’

Any stab of annoyance I started to feel has disintegrated now, with the soft touch of her fingertips on the back of my neck.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: Got a new pal, you’re dumped

Bored to f**k here!

I phoned William Hill and put a bet on that you shagged the sexy Russian. Don’t let me down … I must live my life vicariously right now.

Lx

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Got a new pal, you’re dumped

Just a quick one to let you know that we’re in Ulaanbaatar – that’s in Mongolia, in case you didn’t know. The locals call it ‘UB’ which I suppose is much easier to pronounce, not to mention spell. Seriously, do you know anyone who’s been to Mongolia? Mental! So far, no barbecues … I’m beginning to think we’ve been mis-sold the Mongolian experience. Haha! Staying in a wee guesthouse with New Age Mama type but she seems OK to be fair. Wants us to go all communal and do sun salutations before supper, but I cannae see it somehow. I gave her the smiley spiel and she likes us now – well, me anyway. Violet looked like I’d brought her into a cult – haha!

Anyhoo … getting changed and heading out on the town. I’ll take pics! The guidebook is telling us to ditch the traditional restaurants and head to an Irish Bar – seems like slightly suspect advice, but we’re gonna go for it I think. Maybe pop into one of the other places first, just to see.

Need to go shopping too – taxi driver pointed out this big hulk of a building that looks like it might sell ten-kilo bags of rice and shoes made from hessian sacks, but I’m trying to remain positive. I wonder what Mongolian chocolate is like? I’ll bring you some.

Missing you, doll. Violet is nice but she’s no’ you. I’m giving her a makeover, if she ever gets out of the shower. Damn it, should’ve taken a ‘before’ pic…