I barely sleep, tossing and turning most of the night. I can’t stop thinking about Carrie. About everything that happened that night. That pig, Sergei. Hurting her. Well he can’t hurt her anymore, that’s for sure. And thanks to good old Ivan ‘not so terrible’ he is long gone. Carrie is, too, and I need to get her out of my head.

My phone is charging beside the bed, and I pick it up and go straight to Facebook. I was shocked when I realised that Carrie hadn’t been updating her page throughout the trip, but then when I thought about it, she hadn’t really been taking any photos either. It was as if she didn’t want people to know what she was up to. In fact, she barely seems to use Facebook at all. Most of her posts are ‘friends only’ so it’s just as well that she accepted my request that first night in Beijing. Thinking about it, she did say that she didn’t really use it much. I suppose it’s not that unusual; it’s just that I always enjoy keeping up with people on there. Not that I comment, or even like things. I suppose I could be called a lurker … but I’d say it’s more that I prefer to live vicariously. Or perhaps I am just a bit of a voyeur.

Carrie’s last post is from more than a month ago, a photo she’s been tagged in. A bunch of people in a pub, holding glasses aloft. Carrie is almost out of shot, not looking at the camera. She’s not someone who likes to be photographed, I think. Definitely not a selfie-taker. It’s a shame, as I’d love to look at more photos of her, but either I don’t have the level of access I need to see them, or there just aren’t any there. I don’t know why I expected any updates – I’ve seen this photo before, and I know that she hasn’t added anything since, but I’m still disappointed.

I type in Sam’s name and go to look at his page instead. As usual, there are several new posts since I last looked. I’m getting a little bored with all the party pics, and the mad-for-it status updates – not to mention the myriad of hangers-on, and the Botoxed females. Sometimes I look at these pictures and think how lucky I was to get a piece of him at all, even for a short while. I am definitely not like any of his other lovers.

I suppose that’s why it was never going to last.

Enough now.