Nielsen snorted. “Bullshit. I don’t believe you.” Shocked, Kira failed to find a response before the first officer said, “You’re perfectly capable of eating dinner with us and not killing anyone. I know, I know, alien parasite and all that.” She gazed at Kira from under her brow. “You lost control because Bob the Numenist broke your nose. That’s enough to piss off anyone. No, you shouldn’t have stabbed him. And maybe you shouldn’t have responded to the signal on the Jelly ship. But you did, it’s done, and that’s the end of it. You know what to watch out for now, and you won’t let it happen again. You’re just scared to face everyone. That’s what you’re afraid of.”

“You’re wrong. You don’t understand wh—”

“I understand plenty. You messed up, and it’s hard to go out and look them in the eye. So what? The worst thing you can do is hide here and act like nothing happened. If you want to earn their trust back, come out, take your licks, and I guarantee they’ll respect you for it. Even Falconi. Everyone screws up, Kira.”

“Not like this,” Kira mumbled. “How many people have you stabbed?”

Nielsen’s expression grew tart. So did her voice: “You think you’re so special?”

“I don’t see anyone else infected with an alien parasite.”

A loud bang as Nielsen slapped the wall. Kira jumped, startled. “See, you’re fine,” said Nielsen. “You didn’t stab me. Imagine that. Everyone screws up, Kira. Everyone has their own shit they deal with. If you weren’t stuck so far up your own ass, you’d see. Those scars on Falconi’s arms? They’re not a reward for avoiding mistakes, I can tell you that.”

“I…” Kira trailed off, ashamed.

Nielsen leveled a finger at her. “Trig hasn’t had it easy either. Nor Vishal nor Sparrow nor Hwa-jung. And Gregorovich is just chock-full of wise life decisions.” Her mocking tone left no doubt about the actual truth. “Everyone messes up. How you deal with it is what determines who you are.”

“What about you?”

“Me? We’re not here to talk about me. Pull yourself together, Kira. You’re better than this.” Nielsen stood.

“Wait.… Why do you care?”

For the first time, Nielsen’s expression softened, just slightly. “Because that’s what we do. We fall down, and then we help each other back up again.” The door creaked as she opened it. “Are you coming? The food is still warm.”

“Yeah. I’m coming.” And though it wasn’t easy, Kira got to her feet.

5.

It was well past midnight, but everyone was in the galley except for Sparrow and the Marines. Despite Kira’s fears, no one made her feel unwelcome, although she couldn’t help feeling that everyone was judging her … and that she was lacking. Still, the crew didn’t say anything unpleasant, and the only time the subject of the Numenist came up was when Trig made a sideways reference to him, which Kira, taking Nielsen’s advice from before, acknowledged in a straightforward manner.