Options: medication, therapy or, the popular choice, try tae tough it oot alone. A know should A turn up doon at the doctors again and beg fur a prescription ae diazepam – they wid gee me it in an instant. That’s wit yi get, tranquillisers tae settle yi. Then antidepressants tae git yir adrenal system workin right again or anti-anxiety drugs fur the long term. A know some people genuinely need them but A believe A kin heal n recover wae the right meditation n drug-abstinence, lifestyle improvements, healthy diet n exercise. Medication is a quick fix. A want tae exhaust aw other avenues before A take anyhin else. A know wit A need tae dae. A’ve tried before tae git aff aw drugs, but this time it’s critical. It’s the long week ae gittin aff it. The sweating, anger, the chokin, the sleepless nights n aggression. Maybe the breathin exercises wid help if A committed tae dain them. Breathin seems such a daft thing tae combat these powerful sensations within us, but breathin is the key tae control the physical symptoms, n panic is a demon ae the physical. The mental anxiety requires healin but if yi kin master the physical then yir halfway tae redemption.

A’m goin fur it this time. The usual method. A’m emptyin ma trays, chuckin every bit ae tobacco-filled green oot ae eld sweetie tins n video boxes. A’m huntin fur wee fly packets ae skins n bits fur joints that huv been stashed fur a rainy day. These could destroy a man, chokin oot his nut, who comes across a bit-fur-two tucked in a sock drawer in a frantic raid late at night. It takes mega resolve tae chuck it in the bin where it belongs. A need tae clear oot aw the fuckin paraphernalia associated wae it tae gee it a proper go. Everythin hus got tae go. After A’ve done that n burnt it aw in the garden so there’s nae goin back, the ritual begins.

A’ve git ten fags n a lighter. A’m gonnae try suhin different this time. In previous attempts, A replaced dope wae fags n just smoked fuck oot them. After twenty or thirty they tasted disgustin n made yi crave fur the sweetness ae a joint. This time, A’m gonnae cut them doon anaw. Ten a day max. Nae caffeine, cos that intensifies the cravin n anxiety: nae coffee, cola, tea or alcohol. Nuhin. Just me n ten fags a day. A’m gonnae eat normally, hungry or no. A’m gonnae rise oot ma bed early, depressed or no, throw maself in a shower n stay up aw day without sleepin. Then, come night, A wid be able tae git a sleep. After the long week, it wid be over. It’s a ceremonial ritual aw this. The real battle tae beat any drug, or anyhin yir addicted tae, is willpower. Old as the stones determination n iron focus on yir aim. Yi deserve tae be happy n free fae aw this shite n this struggle wid git yi that. Aw these things would gee yi a fightin chance. Fur it tae matter n be long term as opposed tae a couple ae months, choke, forget n fold. Don’t worry, mate, no aw drugs are even addictive. Yir fightin the very nature of addiction within yirsel.