A cannae imagine that noo. A feel different, no the same eld Azzy. A cannae really describe the feelin cos it’s new territory, uncharted lands within maself. A’ve git a new kind ae clarity, suhin fresh n scary. Fur the first time in years, A actually huv some kind ae progress tae fall back on, suhin tae lose – the silver thread. The last time, goin tae Newcastle hud been a step in the right direction. It didnae matter where yi left tae go, as long as yi went somewhere n did somethin. Yi huv tae ask fur forgiveness fae yir family n pals n community but yi huv tae forgive yirsel. That’s fundamental tae recovery. There wis a lot ae wasted time n missed opportunities aye, but there’s plenty time tae make amends. Wherever A wid end up, A won’t need tae watch ma back n A kin grow n heal. Cos there’s healin needin tae be done. No only fae aw that badness we hud seen n done but fae drugs n drink n aw the things that huv damaged the spirit ae a young man. Yi huv tae break free fae aw these demons n live tae the fullest yi kin. Cos if there’s nae redemption n nae joy then there wis nae point fightin fur yir life in the first place. Everycunt who sees yi livin that proper life will be inspired by yi n you’ll help more cunts that yi wid know. It’s time tae defy this pre-Columbus notion that the world ends wae Lanarkshire, the schemes ae Glesga n the west ae Scotland, tae break free n go beyond. That’s where the Azzy boy wull be. Away livin without fear n makin the most ae every opportunity that comes ma way. Sky’s the limit, troops.

Ma maw seemed different these last few weeks, time seemed tae go backwards fur hur n some ae the worry in hur face relented. It’s still there n always wid be as long as A’m under hur roof. She hud, n always wid, dae hur best tae provide n keep me oot ae trouble but it’s down tae me noo. Ma choices ae the last month seemed tae change hur life fur the better. Maybe somewhere deep down she dares tae think this is it, that A’m on the straight n narrow fae noo on, no more gettin carried in drunk or waltzin in high on drugs. She fuckin hated that, n hur only son became a stranger before hur eyes, someone she didnae know or like fur years, but she hung on n didnae let us go. These dreams ae another life came fae hur somehow. She’s the true unsung hero ae this story.

As fur the boys, everybody is dain their own thing noo. Wee Kenzie, Gunny, Briggy n aw the younger wans ir still playin the game. They’re still deep in it aw, sellin drugs n livin it. The young boys ir just gittin started n the drink is sweet n the burds ir stunnin. They hud nuhin tae worry aboot fur a few years yit. As fur the elder wans, they’re just gittin worse. Kenzie seemed tae fall naturally in at the head ae the pack. Status couldnae put him there before noo, so age hus. He could persuade aw the wee guys he’s mental, being a dealer n a bully aw he wanted. They wid believe him but the cycle wid eventually repeat n the maddest oot ae the young troops wid smash him. His fate wid be a predictable wan n nae interest tae anycunt. He wid find a wee scheme burd n git hur up the duff n disappear intae nuhin. Folk still tried tae help cunts like Kenzie, put time n effort intae listenin tae them tell yi over n over how they’re gonnae change, how next week, month, year it’s gonnae be different. It’s usually aw lies n even if the desire tae change is there, there’s nae willpower behind it.