‘Just seeing, mate. Been on n aff fur years.’

‘Did you meet Dom?’ Craig shoots back.

Dom n fuckin Mon. Classic fuckin duo.

‘Nah, mate. A wis doon in Newcastle livin fur three years. Just came back.’

‘Were you at uni?’

‘Naw just college. Hangin aff a bit fur uni!’

‘That’s cool! You have your own place down there?’ Joey asks.

‘Aye, bud. Me n the girl A wis wae hud a place by the river in Gateshead.’

‘Fancy!’ Jo says.

‘What you doing now?’ Phil asks.

‘Lookin for work.’

‘Cool,’ he says without enthusiasm.

Craig lets a wee smirk roon the edge ae his lips. Jo n Alicia seem tae notice n growl across at him. He’s a smart-faced cunt. A wid be two fuckin minutes in sortin both these slap-abouts. A’m tryin hard though, fur Monica’s sake. They’re hur uni pals n A huv tae respect that, even if they don’t respect me. A imagine maself penalty-kickin that Craig in the face before Joey clears his throat.

‘Phil, I do believe you are rather a cunt!’ he says.

‘Shut up, fat man.’

‘Phil, don’t start please. Be chill,’ Jo says.

Monica arrives back wae the drinks n A gee hur a wink.

‘There you go, boys!’

‘Cheers, Mon!’

Jo comes n sits next tae me n hur n Monica blether away. Phil n Craig leave fur a smoke n it’s just the five ae us. Alicia whispers in ma ear. ‘Take no notice of them, son. They’re dicks! A’m fae Ayr, those two dicks are fae Milngavie n Bridge of Allan respectively. Up their own fuckin arses.’

A smile n gee hur a wee nod. ‘Don’t worry aboot me. A’ve dealt wae worse in ma time.’

‘We just hang about with them cos Jo was fucking Craig for a bit. They’re the tag-alongs here. Joey is from Rutherglen as well. You’re cool-as here, mate.’

It’s closin time n we’re aw walkin oot. The other lads ir steamin but A’ve been watchin ma drink, determined no tae end up wrecked n makin an arse ae maself or Monica. Jo n Alicia ir standin wan on each side ae me. Jo is restin hur heed on Monica’s shoulder n laughin away. It’s been a good night. Their company wis sound. They hud been talkin aboot travelin the world, mad plans n just current affairs n shit that ma troops wouldnae talk aboot in case somecunt laughed n slagged them. They hud aw made me feel pretty welcome. Phil n Craig ir just wee dicks – they’ve been floatin aboot tryin tae pull a few burds at the bar tae nae avail. A see them bouncin oot the door, both mad-wae-it, glancin over tae me n back. Joey is rollin his eyes n pullin faces at them. A’m no gonnae fuckin start noo. Monica is smilin away n keeps givin me wee looks n nudges tae let me know she’s thinkin aboot me, even in the crowd. She looks aw happy that A could sit wae hur pals. Course it’s important tae hur. A see the two fannies walkin up tae me n Joey. Joey starts tae talk first. ‘Good night, lads?’