The other troops ir Shaun Brown n John McKenzie, Broonie n Wee Kenzie, they git called. Broonie is a wee Nazi-lookin cunt. Always hus a skinheed n a wee devious look aboot him. He’s harmless but cos he’s thick as mince. Just a cunt always laughin his wee heed aff at suhin, or playin wae a lighter or matches in the corner. The kinda wee guy yi wouldnae leave yir goldfish wae. The wee cunt wouldnae even huv the initiative tae try n replace it, should it come tae a premature demise. Yi wid come back fae Santa Ponsa n he’d huv stuck a deep-sea diver wae a GONE FISHIN sign, but wid huv furgot the replacement fish. He’s always interested in stuff, pokin aboot n riflin through yir drawers lookin fur suhin or nuhin. Yi hud tae love him.

Wee Kenzie is a different kettle ae fish entirely. He’s a nippy cunt. Hair always gelled perfect n always wae a fitbaw tracky on n a pair ae magic gloves, regardless ae season. He wears a thick silver chain, at least five ounces, over the tap ae the tracky. The reason fur his confidence is hereditary. His da wis a fuckin mad cunt in a scheme years ago n his big brur Tam is the tap man. Obviously, Tam’s brand new wae aw us, cos we’re the younger wans. Always liked me tae, he says, thinks A’m a bold wee cunt. Big Kenzie he gits called, n that’s a name that cunts recognise aboot here.

The last two ir Stephen Finnegan n Paul Addison. Stephen’s both sets ae grandparents ir fae Ireland n he’s never git a Celtic tap aff. He’s wan bitter wee bastert, hell-bent on it. His big cuz taught him up n he kin roll joints n hus mad stories fae other schemes. Finnegan’s da is a butcher n done well so he always hus a fiver in his backburner tae put tae a bottle ir a packet ae fags. If it came tae fitbaw, it wis them n you. Apart fae that, he’s brand new. He’s quite a wee guy, skinny but still wae a wee bit ae veins showin where he’s done the dumbbells. He says he bench-presses ninety wae this big cuz ae his. Cough, fuckin bullshite, cough, cough. Addison is a quieter cunt. He wears the clothes n walks the walk but he keeps it on the doon-low really. His full family is quite middle-class n he stays on wan ae the new Legoland estates. He’s another tall cunt, but hus a skinny build, quite lanky really. He’s the youngest among us anaw, huvin just turned fourteen. Pure perfume boy but a sound cunt nonetheless.

Last but no least, there’s yir main man. Alan Williams. Azzy, A git called. Rangers doft, YT legend in the makin. A’m as tall as Danny, nearly six fit awready. A’ve git dark broon hair, shaved sides n both ears pierced wae gold hoops in. A’d say A’m gittin towards solid. Been dain ma sit-ups n press-ups every mornin n night. A’ve git a Fred Perry tracky on, a black Carbrini parka n Lacoste trainers. Who’s the tap man ae the younger wans? yir probably thinkin. Me n Danny ir the main contenders, but we’d probably never fight wae each other tae find oot. Yir best mate is always a sacred thing, even among the troops.