I hear crying and freeze halfway through taking my coat off. I walk as quietly as I can to the kitchen and peek through the half-open door. Julia is in there with Dad and the pitiful sound of her sobbing makes my own chest ache. I press my hand to it and swallow past the lump in my throat. Julia has been round a few times since Ellie died, but the gap next to her is so huge, neither Bella nor I have been able to bear being around her. It’s probably awful of us to avoid her like that, but it’s like she’s been ripped in half—I can practically see the raw, bleeding seam where Ellie used to be attached.

We haven’t seen so much of Greg and nothing of the boys. Jack dropped out of school and he’s got a job working for a builder friend of Greg’s and he’s living away. Sean went back to boarding school after the funeral and hasn’t been seen since. And Greg…Bella says he’s taken it really hard, but has kept himself and his grief locked away.

Even though it was me who knew Ellie best from all the babysitting, it was Bella who went over there with Dad afterward. Bella who kept going round, helping out. I haven’t been able to.

I’m sorry, I want to burst in there and say. I’m sorry I’ve been so crap at showing sympathy and I miss her too. I do, I really do. I cried so much over that box of stupid toys the day after we heard. Hugging Ellie’s beloved Tessie Barbie, eyes swollen, chest aching, and nose streaming. She was four. Only four bloody years old. I can’t…I can’t even…I can’t bear it, even now, three months on. I reach out to push the door open but then I see Dad put his hand over hers and the moment seems too intimate to interrupt. The ache of sympathy turns into something else and I creep farther away instead of closer.

“I don’t understand how he could do that,” I hear Julia say, and it stops me in my tracks.

He? Who is she talking about? I thought she was crying over Ellie.

“What’s going on?” Bella’s walking downstairs.

I put a finger to my lips and nod toward the kitchen. I go up the stairs and meet her halfway. “Dad’s in there with Julia. She’s upset.”

Bella frowns. “Is Greg with her?”

I shake my head and she sighs, making as if to go into the kitchen. I grab her arm. “Don’t—Julia’s crying.”

“She should be crying with her husband, not our dad. He’s over there alone.”

“Since when do you care so much about Greg Lewis? I thought it was Jack or Sean you cared about.”