He laughs and he’s Max again. “Sorry—sorry, Tess. I’m being an ass, I know I am. It’s weird, that’s all. It’s been so long, and I guess I was expecting you to still have dirt under your fingernails and leaves in your hair.”

He means it to be light-hearted, but I see dead Bella in his words, dirt under her nails, leaves and blood in her hair. Didn’t he tell me how much I looked like her now?

“I haven’t changed that much—look.” I lean past him and unlock the glass door to my small balcony; it’s the reason I took this flat—my outdoor space, my garden. It’s full of color—big pots of green and purple, a tall shrub in burgundy red. I have window boxes of herbs and just about enough room for one wrought-iron chair among it all.

Max laughs again, a bigger, happier laugh. “Your secret garden in miniature,” he says, and I nod. Yes, that’s it. All mine, hidden away four floors up.

“Why don’t you sit out here while I go and see what I can cobble together to eat?”

I bring him a beer and leave him sitting in my secret garden, half-hidden among the plants, looking out over the city. I go into the bedroom and am hit with a wave of tiredness so powerful I sway like it’s a real wave. I sit on the bed, then sink back onto the pillows. Just five minutes, that’s all. I just need five minutes…

“Tess?”

I can hear someone calling me but I ignore the voice because I’m looking for Bella. It’s dark here and I can’t see but I know she’s here and she has something to tell me, something important. I just have to keep looking…

“Tess.”

My eyes fly open. Max is bending over me, shaking my shoulder. I blink away sleep—I was asleep. Actually asleep. I look over at the clock—eight thirty. I only slept for an hour, but I still slept.

He smiles down at me. “I was wondering what happened to you.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice sounding slurred and drugged. “I haven’t been sleeping…”

“It’s not surprising,” he says, sitting on the bed, trailing his hand down my arm. “With everything that’s going on with Julia.”

I shake my head. “It’s not just that. I’ve been having dreams. About Bella.” I can tell Max, can’t I? He was there, he’ll understand the turmoil in my head.

His fingers stop their slow stroking.

“I think I’m starting to remember things. I thought I was just having really vivid dreams, but I think they might be memories. And I saw Bella, like, so vividly. I know it’s not real, but…she said her death wasn’t an accident.”

“What? The inquest…”