Stop. Stop. Her words are a slap in the face. He pushed me away, rejected me, was embarrassed by my stupid, clumsy pass. I remember the things he said about Bella and her friends, the squirm of fear I felt.

She keeps talking. “And I keep thinking about Nic, how she used to go on about him, about how sexy he was for an older man. I knew she had a secret boyfriend, someone besides Jack, but she refused to tell me about him. And now she’s dead and Greg grabbed me and kissed me and it was awful, it was like he was a stranger and…”

It feels like worms are crawling under my skin. The worst part of it is not the horror I feel, the jitter of fear, but the thread of something like jealousy, of something like hurt, because, once again, it’s her, always her who gets chosen. It’s not fair, I want to cry.

“Well, he didn’t just kiss me,” I shout at her. All a lie, stupid fat lies that come hurtling out. “He took me up to his bedroom and he did more than just touch me.”

He didn’t. He never did. He listened to me when I told him about Max, the crush I had. I told him, as we pruned roses and dug in the dirt. I told him about boys at school I had feelings for who never liked me back because they always saw Bella and liked her. Mugs of tea and soft ginger biscuits and sympathy and knowledge, that was what he gave me. Until I tried to kiss him and ran off and hadn’t been able to go back since.

I don’t want to believe it. Bella…Nicole…he wouldn’t have. Why would he? But if he didn’t, then Bella is lying to me, and why would she lie about that?

But I lie right back, such ugly, rotten, stagnant lies. “I went round there because I felt sorry for him because of the wedding and he gave me whisky and he…he started touching me.” I watch her face twist with revulsion, I watch her recoil and I’m glad to have shocked her, glad to have taken something from her.

“What did he do, Tess?” I hear the warning in her voice, but I can’t stop.

“He had sex with me.” The lie bursts out and my cheeks flood with color.

Bella’s hands squeeze mine too tight and tears spring into her eyes. “Oh God. Oh, Tess…”