“I haven’t prepared anything,” I say. My voice wavers, so I stop and take a breath. I close my eyes, but I feel myself swaying, so I open them again, grip the lectern with both hands. “But as Julia was all about the impromptu, it seems fitting. Impromptu parties, picnics, and barbecues on sunny days, she had the best and finest impulses.”

I look away from Jack and his punchable smirk to Dad, gray-faced and red-eyed, and Sean, unsmiling, sitting tall. Max, Lena, and their parents make up the rest of the front row—Julia’s family.

“Julia gave my father a second chance at love, and Bella and me a second mother. We didn’t think we needed her, but she fit into our lives and filled a gap. She made our family whole again and I wish I’d said that to her more. I wish I’d spent more time telling her how grateful I was for all the love she brought back into our lives. When Bella died…” I pause and swallow. “When Bella died, she held us together, stopped Dad falling apart completely. And she’s done it again now. She knew for a long time this day was coming and I think…I think she wanted Jack and Sean to be here, and Max and Lena and their parents—I think she wanted us all together, not for her own sake, but for ours.”

I feel Bella’s presence next to me and it gives me strength.

“We were splintered and broken for a long time. Too much death, too much loss. I hadn’t realized how broken we are, but Julia has laid the framework to fix things. I hope…I hope Jack and Sean want to stay in my dad’s life. This is a gift, Julia’s final gift, so that’s what I’m up here to say. Thank you, Julia. Thanks for everything.”

Maybe my words aren’t entirely true—do I really trust any of them? I was beginning to—Max and Sean anyway—but everything I’ve found out…how can I trust any of them when I believe they all have their own agendas for being here? Those photos…so no, my words aren’t true but I wish they could be. I wish things were that simple, and I can see from Dad’s face what he feels. He squeezes my hand as I sit back down and his eyes shine with tears as the music plays and Joan Baez starts singing “Farewell, Angelina” and we say a last goodbye to Julia.

Sean comes over to me as we all stand outside, Dad accepting condolences from friends and neighbors.

“Did you mean it? About fixing things? Us staying in your lives?”

I can’t meet his eye. “Dad needed to hear it. Especially after your brother’s words.”