I’m rigid with tension as I walk away from the police station, my breathing uneven—too-fast breaths punctuated with gasps as the enormity of this whole thing hits: I’ve just been questioned by the police. The police. About a murder. Doesn’t matter that I know nothing about what happened to Greg; the fear still sets my heart galloping. By the time I get to the bus station, I have to stop and lean against the wall, force myself to take slow, even breaths to dispel the black floating spots in my vision. Is this a panic attack? No, stop. Calm down. I just need to calm down. My hands are shaking and I’m not sure my legs will hold me if I move from my hunched position against the wall. A man slows and asks me if I’m okay. I nod and force a smile. What am I supposed to say?

I can see the local bus for my village a few stops away, but I can’t make myself go over there. I get my phone out. I could call Dad—he’d come and pick me up, I know he would. But he’s with Julia and I don’t want him to see me like this. I call Sophie but, of course, she’s in school, so her phone goes straight to voicemail. I don’t want to leave a message, I want to speak to her. I want to see her. The bus home is starting up, ready to leave, but instead of running toward it, I walk in the opposite direction, toward the train station across the road.

I’m sitting on the floor outside Sophie’s flat, waiting for her to get home from school. The urge to run away has passed, that stupid urge that made me jump on the train instead of the bus. I can’t ring Dad—what can I tell him? That I panicked and ran away because I couldn’t cope? He’s there, watching his wife die, fielding questions from the police about Greg’s death, and I’ve bloody run away.

I hear someone coming up the stairs and I get to my feet just as Sophie appears. She’s got her head down, fumbling in her bag for her keys, so she doesn’t see me until she’s a couple of feet away, then she looks up and jumps a mile.

“Jesus Christ, Tess, you almost gave me a heart attack. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I knew you were teaching and I really needed to see you.” Hearing Sophie’s voice releases something and I start crying, my words coming out in hitching breaths.

“Okay, calm down. Is it Julia? Is it…hell, hang on a minute, let me open the door.”