Back The Taming of the Tights Save as PDF
Contents ( 33)
  1. Dedication
  2. Contents
  3. Filling my tights again
  4. Lullah’s Lululuuuve List
  5. Return of the lunatic twins
  6. Snogs ahoy!
  7. The Blubberhouses Large Ladies Who Pole Dance for Fun Society
  8. Boy Ambush
  9. You don’t want to do any more winking back
  10. The fire escape of desire
  11. I’ve eaten snail shells
  12. Snogging and Jazzles
  13. The magic of puppetry
  14. Return of the beast in trousers
  15. See you there, cheeky miss
  16. My inner snogger
  17. Naughty bumberskite
  18. The church bells of doom
  19. Should I put nail varnish on my hoofs?
  20. The Dark Black Crow of Heckmondwhite
  21. He’s got the right amount of lip
  22. Praise the knees!
  23. Fir-cone earrings and knitted onesies
  24. The Taming of the Tights
  25. The Corker-Holding with Winter Socks scene
  26. Georgia’s Ace Gang Snogging Scale
  27. Tallulah’s glossary
  28. Back Ads
  29. About the Author
  30. Books by Louise Rennison
  31. Credits
  32. Copyright
  33. About the Publisher

I can see why Mr. Barraclough calls it Dither Hall. I couldn’t get into the loos for girls putting on lipstick and hitching their skirts up this morning.

What was going on?

Milly said, “Exciting, isn’t it, about The Jones coming?”

How did she know?

I said, “They’re not.”

Milly said, “Oh yes, they are. Flossie said.”

It wasn’t just in the loos, it was all around the school that The Jones were coming. When I met up with the Tree Sisters in the café, I said to Flossie, “Everyone I asked said you and Jo had told them about The Jones.”

Flossie said, “Oh yeah.”

Vaisey said to Jo, “But it was a secret. . . . Jack might get into trouble . . . because Hoppy said . . .”

Jo said to Vaisey, “Hoppy smoppy!!! You don’t understand what it’s like to not see boys for ages and ages. I haven’t seen Phil; I’m like a nun. I’ve got excess boy energy to work off. I’ve had to listen to Bob tell me about his new drum solos for a week, in between unbunging drains and . . . Come on . . . if you’re so upset about Flossie and me telling people, let’s fight!! I’ll take you all on.”

And she pushed Vaisey over and then leapt on my back and started giddying me up like a donkey.

As we all went into assembly, Jo was still on my back. I started my casually disinterested plan. I said to Flossie, “Honestly, don’t you think it’s pathetic? It’s just, just the Hinchcliffs and Jack when it comes down to it. Just you know, just a bunch of boys, playing songs and moaning about life. They’ll probably fall out by about half past two and break Bob’s sound equipment.”

Vaisey squeezed my hand and gave me a secret look.

And Flossie said, “I completely understand, Miss Lullah. But ditch the small mad person on your back and get your lip gloss out! I’ve run out and that Seth boy is in for a meeting he won’t never forget!”

I shoved Jo off and whispered to Vaisey, “I don’t—I can’t—I don’t want to see him.”

Vaisey squeezed my hand again. “Look, we can hide at the back and creep off. . . .”

After second period, I was walking along to the art studios and passed a mass of girls screeching outside the front door. Flossie came out of the loos again; how much lip gloss can one person apply? She grabbed my hand and dragged me along with her. I said, “Flossie, what are you doing? I don’t want to . . .”

She dragged me to the front of the crowd just as Seth appeared through the front doors with his guitar over his shoulder. He stopped right in front of her. She stood there looking back at him. Someone, I think it might have been Milly, shouted, “I love you, Seth.”

Without looking away from Flossie, Seth said, “You’re only human, love.”